can I be the unrealistically large anime sword?
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and I’m still the annoying comic relief!
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I think I’m lost, help.
It can’t be. Impossible. I could never go out in such a way.
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I think the Pakari officer is Rukah.
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no, I’m the knife
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–
Chapter 4
–
“So what’s your name?”
This was, perhaps, a peculiar question to ask him. After all, it was not the highest concern for the moment. However, when one is traveling so fast the speedometer on the vehicle has literally cracked from the pressure, a cool head is needed to prevail.
And since everyone else in the vehicle was screaming aside from me and Diero, it was necessary to be the one to defuse the situation, if such a goal was possible.
“THE AGELESS AND UNDYING, I AM-”
“Urghhh…” I snarled, trying to crack my forehead open with the base of my palm out of pure frustration. “Eilrach. You do realize there are speed limits in place for a reason?”
“NO METAL SIGN COMMANDS EILRACH!!” The radio cackled madly. “I WILL ENTER MY ANCESTRAL TEMPLE AND THE REIGN OF EILRACH WILL ONCE AGAIN CONQUER THE ENTIRE GLOBE!!”
“Fuel.” I mumbled towards Diero, who immediately opened the glove box and shoveled its contents out of the way. “Boys, let’s tell Eilrach how happy we are to see him and his obnoxious existence again.”
“I AM GOING TO THROW UP ALL OVER THESE SEATS,” Cordax gurgled out through suppressed gags, “IF WE DON’T STOP MOVING!!!”
“So, Eilrach, you heard the little man.” I continued, not particularly moved by the vocalized plight in the back seating. “That’s not a very pleasant experience for anyone involved - but that isn’t the main concern here.”
“HM?”
“This vehicle can only sustain so much speed at once before it starts shaking itself to pieces.” I murmured, twiddling my thumbs as Diero’s hat repeatedly smashed into my face. “I don’t suspect you’d like to reconsider your endeavor? With the rate you’re going-”
“THE LAWS OF PHYSICS CANNOT COMMAND EILRACH!!” Eilrach bellowed, honking the horn loudly and blaring the lights to emphasize how much he was totally in control of the situation. Diero slowly retreated back to the driver’s seat, having carved a hole in the back of the glovebox and disconnected the main fuel line.
It took another minute for the car to lose acceleration to the point where Eilrach realized something was wrong. Furiously the wheel spun about, launching the car over the smallest natural ramps and down the steepest points in the terrain to maintain his disappearing speed. I turned around and considered telling the rest of the group that Diero had solved the little issue of imminent death, but the party was squished down against the seat in terror.
I really don’t understand why they had the audacity to act this way. Just because some undead fellow in a blue Pakari sticks a gun through the back of the vehicle doesn’t mean oh no he just pulled the trigger.
“YOU DID THIS TO ME!!” Eilrach bellowed, pumping lead into the dashboard in a very poor attempt to actually hit me. “I COULD HAVE DRIVEN ON AND ON FOREVER, AND YOU- YOU- YOU HINDERED ME!!” More bullets sang out, but these deflected off Diero’s angry face, which craned about to observe the newest annoyance.
“One side,” Diero grumbled, sticking his foot across the back of the rear seat and lunging through the glass. He hit the character with enough force that both of them should have been sent flying, but Eilrach’s feet stayed planted. He whipped Diero right back around and almost tossed him back through the window again, only being thwarted by Diero slamming hit foot against the top of the car.
“YOU DO NOT POSSESS THE POWER TO MOVE ME SO LONG AS I WILL MY BODY TO ACT.” Eilrach taunted, the car constantly swerving in an attempt to throw Diero off. Somehow the deadsperado was keeping his footing, possibly due to his wild flailing to maintain balance. On one of the turns a very nauseous Cordax was thrown face-first against the door window, cracking it and sending him into the nicest sleep he’s probably ever had.
“Think for a second, will you?” Diero said, straining to keep his feet planted. “That officer - you know nothing about the world you’ve just stumbled into. The great Eilrach cannot possess a lack of knowledge, can he?”
“IMPOTENT.” Eilrach huffed, sharply turning the vehicle opposite directions in quick succession, successfully losing Diero’s footing. He tried to grab Eilrach as he flew by, but the gaseous goob bent his torso at an impossible angle and never bothered to turn as the cadaverous cowpoke hit the ground behind him.
“I SHALL NOT BE DELAYED.” Eilrach adjusted the dead man’s collar as the car sputtered for a moment before suddenly accelerating again. “YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF SO CLEVER, SHORT ONE? I CONTROL ALL OF THIS VEHICLE.” The passenger seat suddenly folded down on top of me, pushing with an unrelenting pressure. “DISCONNECTING THE SOURCE OF ACCELERATION AND FUNCTION OF THIS MECHANICAL VEHICLE WAS ONLY A TEMPORARY ANNOYANCE, MUCH LIKE YOURSELF. I WILL PROBE THIS PEON’S MEMORIES AND GUARD MYSELF AGAINST ANY OF YOUR FURTHER WILES.”
“TEARS?” He quizzically spouted, staring into the sky for a moment. “WHAT IN THIS DOMAIN… IS A TEAR?”
It was too late. By the time he turned about he was already done for. His musings about the officer’s memory had blindsided him to Diero running like a mad horse up to the back of the vehicle, holding his hat to his head with one hand and feeling very motivated to disconnect some limbs with the other one.
Planting his foot on the bumper, Diero slammed the base of his palm into the officer’s chin, moving him off the vehicle - if only for a moment, his other hand swiping the corpse’s handgun. With the physical connection severed, Diero gripped him by the ankle with one hand and used the other to smash him against the side of the vehicle, holding him upside down long enough to stick his head under the tire. It was ripped clean off and flattened into a mechanical paste in a fraction of a second.
The body immediately went limp, and the vehicle, its host now furious, began making mad patterns across the dirt in rage, with Diero grabbing hold of the bumper to avoid a repeat of the recent past. It was far too late that I thought about crying out in relation to the cliff fast approaching, with Eilrach barrelling towards it like a madman.
Over the party went, myself included, down into the dark mechanical underbelly of the desert - a city teeming with individuality and life. Frantically I wormed out from under the seat, practically jumping to the back as the vehicle began its dive.
“Diero, quick!” I grabbed his hand as I reached through the back window. “How do I set a dream?”
“Well, first you have to want something really badly, and then- no, wait, do you have to actually dream first? Well I think you have to be able to recall something happening in a dream, and- no, that’s not it…” Diero mumbled disingenuously, tapping his other hand against the car.
“Dang it, Diero, we don’t have time for this!” I took Cordax’s knife out of my pocket and scratched it against the car’s decorative exteroir, forming broad, messy letters in what I hoped was a legible sentence. “Now eat it!”
Diero huffed out his amusement. “Boss, it’s a car. With a dead skeleton lord driving it. You expect me to chomp down on the-”
“DIERO!!” I shouted, gripping his hand as hard as I could. The panicked responses from inside the vehicle died away at my volume. “THEY’RE GOING TO DIE!! EAT IT NOW!!!”
Diero resentfully took a bite out of the car’s glossy outside. I watched in the thrill of anticipation - how Diero chose to save the party was up to him and his imagination, as long as he accomplished his task as instructed. Any apathy or irresolution I had shown before was swept aside in disgust, for there, then, it was a madman desperately pleading with the law of gravity that it, emotionless and mindless as any other factor of reality, take pity in these poor fools and somehow offer mercy to their plight.
The scratches on the car read ‘SAVE THEM’ in large, hardly legible letters. But I had written them, and so Diero - with his mouth full of fiberglass and his eyes full of flame - sharply plummeted from the bumper of the vehicle, dropping quickly out of sight.
Looking back around, I saw my son - huddled, shaking, clutching his knees in fright, looking at the sleeping body of Cordax absentmindedly motion in his dreams while occupying the space where normal people would put their feet. I clutched his shoulder and he started, looking at me with a mixture of surprise and wonder.
I wanted to tell him I had always been proud of him, but I couldn’t do it yet. Better that Ghid be a monster, a thing of the imagination, than blow my cover. He could tell some of the intent, but he didn’t seem anywhere close to figuring out the truth.
There was a bright flash off to the side, and then another, and another, and I could hear Eilrach say something or other about how he hadn’t thought this through, but everything was going according to plan or something, and then I felt resistance against the fall. Looking out the door window I deciphered Diero had jammed telephone wire from some notoriously high buildings into the division between door and frame, and was doing this over and over to slow the fall. It would not hold, but it might be enough.
Finally my vision was blocked by buildings, and I knew the impact was soon to come. It landed, a harsh thud nonetheless, but hardly fatal to the vehicle, much less anyone inside. It seemed to have jolted Cordax awake, who mumbled incoherently and rubbed the back of his head.
Kicking the door window out, I craned my neck around and got a glimpse of a wide brim under the bottom of the vehicle. Diero had caught the car. He growled at the strain for a moment, then suddenly stopped talking.
My eyes traveled back upwards. There were perhaps two hundred law enforcement officers standing in front of the party. What, did they expect us or something?
–
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Beeg chapter. HUGE chapter. Hope you like it.
Take a left at the stupidly long chapter and you’ll still be lost.
Also lost if you take a right.
Sorry. Maybe you could ask for direction?
The problem is, if I did that, we all know how it would end
sorry, I meant the book of waiting.
since you’re him you’ll be the main character
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Considering I’m kinda following this one more than the others, I’m going bother asking the stupid questions so buckle up ghid you’re going to find out how little I follow the story
1 who’s the main character? Is it ToTT?
2 who’s his son?
3 why am I a green semisolid person/thing? I thought that I was a skeleton which would possess people through rather unseen means
4 not sure if I can ask this seeing as you write the series and therefore make the rules how can eilrach possess a car when it was not a living thing? Or can he possess inanimate objects now?
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Since I proclaimed myself The Ultimate BoT theoriser, I need to live up to that title
Yes. Everyone’s favourite wooden cat
Long story short, Tott and Ghid are the same person and Winger is Ghid’s son. You just need to connect the dots
You’re actually green mist that just happened to possess a skeleton body in the first book. The mist possessed many bizarre things ever since.
Actually, Eilrach can only possess dead bodies (dead Racie, for instance) and inanimate objects (bullets, for instance). He cannot possess living things
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Tott is Ghid. Winger is my son, in whom I am perpetually disappoint.
One thing I will never be accused of is being a good writer inconsistency. You are/were a skeleton, but you have been killed twice now, and your essence moves on to the next suitable host in the same matter a Makuta’s antidermis would, although unlike antidermis a silly little cut doesn’t spell the end for you. Like antidermis, however, your form will dissipate on its own if it can’t find a suitable host.
You’ve taken over numerous corpses at the cider facility in BoR, a multitude of Dreamers and Racie in BoD, and so far you’ve taken a police car and officer in BoT. You haven’t possessed the bullets so much as inhabited them, as there’s nothing present to possess.
I always intended for him to be capable of possessing inanimate objects, but so far the only inanimate things he’s possessed are dead bodies and Dreamers. He’s been given a back seat in previous books, but I try to give as many people the limelight in the books as possible, so expect to see him quite a bit.
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yup, Tott is definitely Ghid.
Hey look it’s me.
Apparently Eilrach was controlling the guard and the car. interesting
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You think you’re sobbing now, wait til you see what I have in store
And OHOHO do I have something big in store. The sequel to this is going to completely upset the narrative.
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the sequel as in the TTV Boards Story Fivequel or the moment when Ghid kills Winger after telling him he’s not actually his son
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Winger
I don’t know how to break this to you
but I’m not actually your son
because I’m your dad
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ooh, fun.
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so when I typed that, I thought to myself “there’s something not quite with the pronoun reciprocals here” but i was doing math and didn’t think about it too hard 
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Fine… I’ll do it myself!
Currently you’re monopolising the… uh, I actually don’t know what you’re monopolising, but you’re monopolising something for sure and that’s bad. I’ll have to change that.
Don’t worry N01, GoodGuy, I’ll make The Book of Weebs happen… eventually.
Depends on how much of a weeb you are
Also, I’ll wait till Ghid releases a few more chapters and I’ll dump an unreasonable amount of theories here.
Edit: @Ghid I just realised something! When Monopoly killed Cordax and Winger in the factory, Tott got real upset about “his son” dying. Naturally, everyone thought that he was talking about Cordax and assumed that he was N01, but he was actually talking about Winger who is known for being Ghid’s son. So, we could have figured out that Tott was Ghid even back then. That’s some really clever foreshadowing!
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Not everyone.
But it did manage to fool the ultimate Bo_ Theorizer, so I’ll take the win.
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