The Master/ The Nexus Codex

Creative Content Literature
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Nibiru: you are a bigger fool than i imagined Sister

Celestral: What you mean Brother?

Nibiru: I’m not the coming Storm the legend for told no, that is my master The Master he is the one who planned all of this with his twin. All the universes all heroes and villains and now since you created the Nexus Codex the one thing that can stop him, he is coming for planet Mythron and any planet that has created the Nexus Codex, he and his twin created all universes and dimensions all the heroes and villains great or small and now hes coming, when he arrives all is doomed, when the 15 planets a line he will arrive.

Celestral: Thats not going to happen i and my new friends will stop this Master before he can get his hands on the Nexus Codex

(got a problem with my grammar talk about it in a PM)

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I’m apologetic to say…but this is only remotely understandable or fascinating. It is abomination of lamentable grammar, worn-out writting techniques and cringy dialogue. It seems to be some odd exposition - but alone like this it makes no sense.

2/10

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im trying not to let out too many spoilers

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I think you missed my point - this text is literally nothing but generic exposition

Besides - why even bother posting something like this?

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i love to make people wait so impatiently and its fun to mess with people

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This is not messing with anybody but poor excuses for bad writing.

@TheLeg0Br0ny Why bother posting something you know is bad to boards where you will be judged for the content you produce?

Edited for Double Post.
~Chronicler

Did not double post…lol. somebody deleted brony’s comment.

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Well guess what?

Trolling people is NOT tolerated on this site.

Now if you can’t take the criticism, stop uploading content here. You’re on a list of people whom are close to a suspension, so if you keep this up you WILL be suspended.

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cause i want to express what i can do just cause im bad at writing doesnt mean you have to give me a bad score just put a good score and a positive attitude to your reply saying what you said just made me right now completely rethink my whole legends of Mythron story arcs

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I agree that the writing could use some work. The sentences are run on sentences, and there should be a lot more commas. Also, 'I’s should be capitalized.

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That’s a good thing.

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its my story i can decide how i show it

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Oh, you can do that.

But flagging something as “not positive” goes AGAINST the established rules of the site. You’re also quite rude to others.

Straighten up or you’re off the site.

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@Chilly is right. I was feeling confused by just reading this short text - Don’t think I could handle a whole story written like this.

Maybe write it in your native language and hire somebody that can make a sensible english sentence out of it.

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all i want is some is some good feed back saying little improve ments or some help

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That’s exactly what he gave you.

You take it or you leave it.

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“You can’t have a house without a plot of land.” Goes an old Czech saying - perhaps this applies to you.

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I think his native language is English.

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Does this count as a story? It’s literally just two characters each with two sections of dialogue.

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I didn’t understand that
grammar plz

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I’ve been following LoM, and I’m totally lost. So, here’s my recommendations.

Spend more time developing Nibiru

He seems like your main character, so just explain what he’s seen since the apocalypse started in the first tidbit you released.

Also, I love plays as much as the next guy, but this is writing. It doesn’t fit LoM either. If you want LoM to become great, use “saids” and stuff. Here’s an example.

“You’re more a fool than I imagined, sister.” Nibiru paced, (finish this sentence describing Nibiru in some way, how he walks, how he talks, whatever. After that, describe the setting and set the scene.)

“What do you mean?” Celestral asked with worry. She stood watching her brother Nibiru pace before her.

“I’m not the coming Storm…” Nibiru paused, exhaling as he said the words. “The Master is coming. Only the Nexus can stop him. You cannot.” Nibiru added, stopping his steady stride to face his sister.

“That won’t happen, brother.” Celestral said with confidence.

This is four paragraphs, let me explain. I took all your ideas and shortened them so they could be more appealing than a longer, more monotonous exposition

7 Likes