Yeah, Darth Maul is half the man he used to be.
2 Likes
Why are all Sharon’s such annoying people?
Because Sharon is Karen.
1 Like
Two nuts were walking on the street. One was assaulted.
2 Likes
The police confiscated my phone. It was charged with battery.
2 Likes
That’s nothing. The police arrested me after I accidentally dropped my wallet in the washing machine. They said something about “money laundering”…
3 Likes
This is baby-level stuff. I got arrested just for killing someone in Alaska!
Charged with murder in the 1st degree
4 Likes
My worst crime was bumping the salad bowl, the cops gave me a warning for disturbing the peas.
4 Likes
ok but whoever decided peas belong in a salad should be sentenced to pea-nal servitude
2 Likes
Why don’t crabs give to charity?
Because they are shellfish.
8 Likes
As Confucius says, man who stands on toilet is high on pot
1 Like
My mother told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
6 Likes
As Confucius says, man who makes mistake on elevator is wrong on many levels.
3 Likes
My mother told me that eating only apple jacks for breakfast was an artificial breakfast and wouldn’t sustain me
I know she’s wrong because I was eating cereal
4 Likes
I wrote a book about a magic dog who goes to school, it’s called Hairy Pawter and the Philosopher’s Bone.
3 Likes
A Mexican magician says he’ll disappear on the count of three. He says “uno, dos…” poof
He vanished without a tres.
6 Likes
as long as you don’t make a cat spinoff i’m purrfectly fine with it
but like actually stories about cats lead to bad things
My liver is having problems. You know what they say:
Liver let die.
3 Likes
I was up all night wondering where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.
5 Likes
I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer.
Then it hit me.
10 Likes
what do you call a knife that is also a fruit?
A scapple.
3 Likes