After a much too long delay, here’s the 2016 transcripts.
2016
1-Gali and Akida
[Gali is staring out a window]
Lewa: Hey Gali. I’m really sorry to hear about your pet fish.
Gali: I don’t understand. I fed it, gave it lots of attention, took it out of its tank, wore it on my back, strapped large cannons to it, and used it as a hat. Where did I go wrong?
[Lewa is gone]
Gali: Wait, what? Where’d you go?
2-Pohatu and Ketar
Pohatu: I hate scorpions. Now I gotta bring back this one to unite. Granted, the others never did say I needed to bring back a live scorpion… [picks up a dead Ketar] Well, that was easy!
3-Lewa and Uxar
Lewa: [with Uxar on his back] Now that I have actual wings, I can fly forever!
[“5 minutes later” flashes across the screen]
Lewa: What do you mean, “tired after five minutes?” My weapons didn’t get tired!
4-Tahu and Ikir
Tahu: [with Ikir on his back] Yes. Polly does want a cracker!
5-Onua and Terak
Onua: [laughs like an idiot while hammering his weapon into the ground] You were right, Terak. This game of Whack-A-Mole is a lot of fun! [continues laughing and hammering; stops abruptly when he hits Terak] Terak! Oh no, Terak, no!
6-Kopaka and Melum
Kopaka: This tiny thing is my shield. Whatever happened to my large shield from last year? What do you mean, “budget cuts?”
7-Umarak the Hunter
Umarak: G’day, mates! I’m Umarak, the Okoto creature hunter! And today, we’re on lookout for elemental creatures. Why, you may ask? Well, certainly not for preservation, that’s for sure! Ha, ha. No, I’m hunting these creatures so I can strap them to my backs and hallucinate. It’s gonna be a good time! [pops out of frame]
8-Bionicle 2016 Winter Wave
[2015 Lewa is shown]
Eljay: Is your armor flat and boring? Are you unhappy with consistency? Then have we got the product for you.
[2016 Lewa is shown]
Eljay: Introducing…greebles. Complex and complicated bumps and pistons!
Tahu: Before greebles, I had no abs, no neck, and no friends. [upgrades to greebles] But after greebles, I’ve got complicated-looking armor, an awesome neck, and tons of gold!
Eljay: Go out and grab your visual inconsistency today with greebles. Buy it now!
9-Ekimu The Mask Maker
Ekimu: I am Takanuva, Toa of Light. [looks off-camera] Wait, what do you mean, “wrong line?”
10-Lava Beast
Eljay: There. Burgers are ready. Hup-gotta put some salt over the shoulder and blind the devil! Aha. [throws salt over his shoulder] Alright.
Lava Beast: [grabbing at his eyes] Nnnnngggghhhhhhh!!!
11-Storm Beast
[Eljay is crawling on his hands and knees in Po-Koro]
Eljay: It’s too hot! Storm Beast, where are you? [faints]
[Storm Beast is relaxing with sunglasses and a glass of lemonade on a beach chair]
12-Quake Beast
[Eljay is strolling when he suddenly feels a tremor]
Eljay: What-what-ah! [looks down] Quake Beast! Did you do that?
Quake Beast: I didn’t do that. We live in California.
[Eljay and Quake Beast both scream while running aimlessly in fear]
13-Umarak the Destroyer
Umarak: Alright. Now, with this exercise equipment, I will become large, and strong, and buff, to finally defeat the Toa. [grunts while trying to lift weights] Okay, screw this, I’m just gonna turn to mask drugs. [rises in his new form] Yes! It worked!
14-Bionicle 2016 Summer Wave
Eljay: This is my cat. His name is Beastie. [puts Storm Beast’s mask on Beastie’s head] Now he is Storm Beastie. [the mask falls off] Okay, or maybe not. [tries to put Lava Beast’s mask on Beastie] Now he’s Lava- [Beastie raises his head] Gosh dang it. [puts Lava Beast’s mask on Beastie’s head] He’s Lava Beastie. [the mask falls off] And finally, his ultimate form- [puts Quake Beast’s mask on Beastie] This was stupid.
15-Generation 2 Collectibles
Speeder: Hi. My name is Speeder, and I’m a caffeine-a-holic.
[the camera pans over to Eljay]
Eljay: Uh, my name’s Eljay. And I am a mask-a-holic. [slathers his face with mask collectible bags]
16-Journey To One Makuta
Makuta: Ha, ha, ha. I, Makuta, leader of the Shadow Horde, am finally free!
Eljay: Oh, Makuta. That’s not what you are.
Makuta: Huh?
Eljay: Yeah. You’re cancelled. [kicks Makuta]
17-Ekimu Falcon
Gali: So you’re the creature of light.
[“No, just an old Hawk, here to help” flashes across the screen as translation for the Ekimu Falcon’s screeches]
18-Bionicle 2016
Eljay: Hey everyone. Here I am, showing you my 2016 Bionicle collection. As we can see here, it’s a, you know, fairly standard, and-uh-oh what’s this? Oh yeah, this is the place where I put my Makuta set. You know-IF WE EVER GOT ONE!
19-Bionicle 2015-2016
Eljay: Finally, after all these delays, I have reviewed every canon Generation 2 Bionicle set. I’ve even collected cool memorabilia, such as posters and shirts! And now, I must come up with the perfect joke that every Bionicle fan will understand. [thinks for a minute] Perfect.
[a shot of Eljay’s computer screen, a Microsoft Word document titled “Bionicle Generation 2,” is shown]