I wrote this for an English class, and I wanted to incorporate something cool in at least one poem, so I bet you all can guess which Bionicle characters inspired me a lot in this.
Underneath
The sea is a wonder of land with no ground
Where creatures thrive, never making a sound
The ocean moves as if it’s a creature of its own
Reaching in and out, in and out of the tide zone
But no one has seen underneath the sea
Where life is as scarce as scarcity can be
Underneath is a land of secrets and gloom
Where many fish a day will see their doom
There are monstrous beasts that glow with pride
Yet in the darkness they will lurk and hide
They laugh all day at lost, wandering fish
That fall on their laps like a meal on a dish
No one should go to the underneath and no one will
To the land where terrible beasts hunt and kill
So that your life is not taken by a hungry thief
Why not instead visit the Great Barrier Reef?
7 Likes
“For centuries the bottom of the deepest seas have been shrouded in mystery and superstition.
Some say it is a hostile place, inhabited by the strangest creatures.
Others that its a prison, for the most dangerous outcasts.
Legend has it, that the only hope of ever getting out of there, is a mask, that every deep sea creature has been craving for years.
A mask they say, everyone is prepared to fight for, and risk their life to posses.
But the only way of ever finding out, is to go there, and see for yourself.”
Anyway, this is pretty good. A few spots could use some work, but overall it isn’t bad.
4 Likes
I might make a couple minor changes; here’s a few to the first verse I made upon first reading:
The sea is a wondrous land without a ground
Where creatures roam, without a sound
The ocean moves as if a creature of its own
An eerie sight, to observe the unknown…
which leads into your second verse. Overall, the concept is great, and many of the lines are spot on, however it should be refined a little more. The last verse particularly could use some work; the thief/reef rhyme comes of as very forced. Again, though, I enjoyed it.
These were some highlights:
3 Likes
I edited the poem so the thief line connected more. I still feel the rhyme is forced, but at least it pertains to the content.