Because if you don’t you will break the fundamental laws of the universe
Why must fingers bend?
Well, johnny, if they didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to strangle you.
Why must I suffer
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Well little Johnny, it appeases the gods.
Who needs luck?
Well little Johnny, I don’t believe in luck
Why did I just roll a 1?
Because, little Johnny, I rigged the dice.
Why I need learn the grammaring of words good?
Did you? I don’t remember paying for that.
Why are the batteries of my headphones dead?
Well little johnny Because the RRR ordained it, they have turned to inconveniencing you.
Why must spherical holes exist
Well, little Johnny, it’s so less than remarkably intelligent people, much like yourself, can put square pegs in them.
What is air made of?
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Well little Johnny, it’s mostly nitrogen, with some oxygen and a bit of other stuff.
What happens when you split an atom?
Well little johnny there’s a big boom and you most likely die from the ensuing nuclear conflict.
Why did the police never find Patrick?
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Well, little Johnny, turns out the school playground is a bit too good of a hiding spot for a body.
Why do you smell bad?
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Well little johnny this mortal body is only temporary.
Why are you covered in wax?
The better question is “why aren’t you covered in wax?”
Why am I not covered in wax?
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Well little johnny you are severely allergic to wax
why am i the chosen one
You are not. The Prophecy was misread.
Why can’t I go into the basement?
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Well little johnny you are not ready for the secrets of what lies beyond the walls.
What happened to my other parental figure?
They died Little Johnny, they died.
Am I going to blow up the world?!?!
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Well little Johnny I’m sorry, but we can’t have a repeat of my last host body (opening portals to another timeline is expensive.) Loads gun sorry my child, but it has to be done.
Why does death feel weird?
Well little Johnny, It’s because the ghosts of your ancestors take your soul out of your body.
Why do I grow?
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Well little johnny it’s Because you are a plant human
Do I have organs