Writing yet another book-- Danger's Destiny

After permanently scarring his face from an accident when he was only a kitten, Danger was eager to prove himself a useful cat. Yet only a few minutes after the incident, two owls swooped him up and two of his siblings: Snow and Ice. All grown up now and in a new home, Danger needs to finish what his foster dad, Milk, started, yet the call of evil is unstoppable. Will Danger follow the good deeds of his father? Or will darkness take over his already-cold heart forever?

I’ve been working on a few books, including one I started sharing here in the past-- Stone’s Heart. Today, I’ll be revealing another one of my projects, ‘Danger’s Destiny.’ I’ll post the prologue here now, then post Chapter 1 once I finish it.

Prologue
Kittens cried in the dead of night as a young white cat came to comfort them. His orange eyes blazed through the darkness as he hushed each one. Then, he helped them to their feet.
“Come on,” he said encouragingly. “Milk is here to help you.”
The kittens took a few steps toward Milk, and they soon started following him out of the dark, damp cave. Soon, the moon shone through, and, one by one, Milk led the kittens to the top. Beyond stretched a field, but in the distance, there was a peak that erupted from the rocks.
“To Mount!” cried Milk as he stretched his muscles, ready to rush across the barren land.
Milk ran across the hills with two kittens by his side. The other 10 were behind him. Suddenly, Milk heard a cry. He spun around, only to find one of the kittens stuck under a rock. Its ginger fur glowed in the moonlight, but besides its strength for being only a month old, it struggled to grasp for air.
Milk immediately rushed up to its side, pulling gently but firmly at its scruff. With a loud thud, the kitten flew out of the rock and landed on the floor. Milk used his nose to push its limp body onto its back, and saw with a shock at the damage that had happened. There was a long cut from the kitten’s eye to its chin, and its left ear was permanently damaged.
“Danger! No!” yowled Milk as he saw the bleeding body.
Danger took a deep breath, then let his breathing stop abruptly. His siblings gathered around him and mourned, spreading sadness through the night.
Milk nudged Spices. “Wake up!” he urged. The white cat sighed in relief as he saw Danger’s chest rise and fall.
With a groan, the young kitten climbed to his paws. His siblings looked relieved, too, and one by one they licked him.
“We thought we lost you!” squeaked a small silver kitten.
“Whoa, Frost, be careful with Danger,” whispered Milk as the silver kitten licked her brother viciously. Frost immediately stopped and sat down. She looked at Milk and squealed, “When do we continue?” Milk replied, “Now. Come on, we don’t want to freeze!”
Milk led the kittens for a few more minutes, until he heard Danger rasp, “I’m tired.” He immediately skidded to a halt.
Danger stretched and lay down. Frost came rushing up to his side and sat next to him.
A brown kitten climbed through the group of his siblings and looked at Milk. “Can we sleeps?” he stammered.
Milk responded, “No. It’s too cold out there, Cocoa.”
Cocoa looked down and padded to Frost and Danger.
Then, a black kitten emerged, her red eyes gleaming in the dark. She asked, “How far?”
Milk stretched down and answered, “About 20 meters, Night.”
Night nodded and went to the back of the group of kittens. Suddenly, Danger sat down and stated, “I’m ready.”
Milk let out a sigh. “Then it is time.”
Night squeaked through the dark, “I need to continue traveling!”
Cocoa nodded absently as the kittens ran to Milk’s side, matching every leap and every step. Suddenly, a young white one rushed in front of Milk.
“Snow! Wait!” called Milk, but Snow wouldn’t stop. Soon, a kitten identical to Snow followed her brother, and Milk called, “Ice! Halt!”
Milk picked up the pace, but he couldn’t catch up. Soon enough, an owl swooshed down and picked up the twins. Milk watched in horror as it flew across the sky, its hooting barely audible through the squeals of Snow and Ice.
Milk yowled as if he were in agony as yet another owl swooped down and picked up Danger. Furious, Milk leaped into the air, slashing at the owl’s white feathers, but it didn’t do anything. With a loud thud, he fell onto the snow, watching hopelessly as the three kittens were carried out of sight.

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You probably don’t need to format it inside a quote box, and removing it might make it easier to read.

Also, try adding an extra space between each line; that would also aid in readability. I know you can’t do that inside the blockquote, another reason why removing it from the blockquote would help.

This is to do with the summary specifically, but, if the two siblings are already swooped up and probably eaten, why do you need to tell us their names? Or are they still alive?

It’s hard to give feedback to the main story with the current formatting, though. Fix that and it’ll be a lot easier to understand. It’s definitely better-formatted than your other works on the Boards so far, though, so I commend that.

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Okay! Thanks for the advice. I just added more space, and here it is:

Prologue

Kittens cried in the dead of night as a young white cat came to comfort them. His orange eyes blazed through the darkness as he hushed each one. Then, he helped them to their feet.

“Come on,” he said encouragingly. “Milk is here to help you.”

The kittens took a few steps toward Milk, and they soon started following him out of the dark, damp cave. Soon, the moon shone through, and, one by one, Milk led the kittens to the top. Beyond stretched a field, but in the distance, there was a peak that erupted from the rocks.

“To Mount!” cried Milk as he stretched his muscles, ready to rush across the barren land.

Milk ran across the hills with two kittens by his side. The other 10 were behind him. Suddenly, Milk heard a cry. He spun around, only to find one of the kittens stuck under a rock. Its ginger fur glowed in the moonlight, but besides its strength for being only a month old, it struggled to grasp for air.

Milk immediately rushed up to its side, pulling gently but firmly at its scruff. With a loud thud, the kitten flew out of the rock and landed on the floor. Milk used his nose to push its limp body onto its back, and saw with a shock at the damage that had happened. There was a long cut from the kitten’s eye to its chin, and its left ear was permanently damaged.

“Danger! No!” yowled Milk as he saw the bleeding body.

Danger took a deep breath, then let his breathing stop abruptly. His siblings gathered around him and mourned, spreading sadness through the night.

Milk nudged Spices. “Wake up!” he urged. The white cat sighed in relief as he saw Danger’s chest rise and fall.

With a groan, the young kitten climbed to his paws. His siblings looked relieved, too, and one by one they licked him.

“We thought we lost you!” squeaked a small silver kitten.

“Whoa, Frost, be careful with Danger,” whispered Milk as the silver kitten licked her brother viciously.

Frost immediately stopped and sat down. She looked at Milk and squealed, “When do we continue?”
Milk replied, “Now. Come on, we don’t want to freeze!”

Milk led the kittens for a few more minutes, until he heard Danger rasp, “I’m tired.” He immediately skidded to a halt.

Danger stretched and lay down. Frost came rushing up to his side and sat next to him.

A brown kitten climbed through the group of his siblings and looked at Milk. “Can we sleeps?” he stammered.

Milk responded, “No. It’s too cold out there, Cocoa.”

Cocoa looked down and padded to Frost and Danger.

Then, a black kitten emerged, her red eyes gleaming in the dark. She asked, “How far?”

Milk stretched down and answered, “About 20 meters, Night.”

Night nodded and went to the back of the group of kittens. Suddenly, Danger sat down and stated, “I’m ready.”

Milk let out a sigh. “Then it is time.”

Night squeaked through the dark, “I need to continue traveling!”

Cocoa nodded absently as the kittens ran to Milk’s side, matching every leap and every step. Suddenly, a young white one rushed in front of Milk.

“Snow! Wait!” called Milk, but Snow wouldn’t stop. Soon, a kitten identical to Snow followed her brother, and Milk called, “Ice! Halt!”

Milk picked up the pace, but he couldn’t catch up. Soon enough, an owl swooshed down and picked up the twins. Milk watched in horror as it flew across the sky, its hooting barely audible through the squeals of Snow and Ice.

Milk yowled as if he were in agony as yet another owl swooped down and picked up Danger. Furious, Milk leaped into the air, slashing at the owl’s white feathers, but it didn’t do anything. With a loud thud, he fell onto the snow, watching hopelessly as the three kittens were carried out of sight.

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Yes, that looks much better. I feel like the part with Danger getting trapped beneath a rock was a little strange–you make it seem as if he died, and all the characters are sad for a moment, but then he’s just alive again? The writing elsewhere was decent, but that part felt like artificial drama. If you do want to have a fake-out death, let it simmer for longer, or make it immediately clear that the characters are having an overreaction.

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Okay. I have edited that section a little.

'“Danger! No!” yowled Milk as he saw the bleeding body.

Danger took a deep breath, then appeared to let his breathing stop abruptly. His siblings gathered around him and mourned, spreading sadness through the night.

Milk nudged Danger. “Wake up!” he urged. Squinting, he saw that the kitten’s breathing hadn’t stopped at all. The white cat sighed in relief as he saw Danger’s chest rise and fall.

With a groan, the young kitten climbed to his paws. His siblings looked relieved, too, and one by one they licked him.’

READ THIS FOR CONTEXT

Chapter 1 and the rest of the book take place yeeeeaaaaars after the prologue. Danger is all grown-up now.

DANGER’S DESTINY: CHAPTER 1: PART 1:

Danger blinked his eyes open and got to his paws. The warm sunlight of dawn carried through his fur as he walked casually out of a dark, damp cave. He stretched his muscles a little, then sat down and started grooming his paw.

“Good morning, Danger,” greeted a gray cat as she walked by. She practically bumped into a black cat, and the pair immediately started sharing news.

Danger looked up, then shook his head and walked over to the two. “Nice to see you,” he declared. He curled up next to them. “How are you today?”

The black cat looked at the big ginger tabby. “Great,” he answered absently. “Haze and I are going to see our mother. Right, sis?”

Haze nodded. Then, to Danger, she asked, “Have you found your siblings yet? You’ve been looking for them for years now.” She leaned over to give her back a few licks and glanced over to Danger.

Danger sighed. “No sign of them yet,” he murmured after moments of silence. Clearing his throat, he added, “Why do you ask, Haze? I thought I told you months ago that I quit.” He got up slowly and yawned. “Why are you up so early, too?”

“We’re leaving now,” answered Haze. “You?”

“I don’t typically sleep for that long.” Danger bent down to groom his chest fur. “Plus, I had a bad dream.”

“About?” prompted the black cat, sitting up straight, instantly intrigued by the news.

“It’s nothing,” grunted Danger. “None of your business." He got up and marched off to a nearby water source. After drinking just the tiniest bit, he set off to the cave where he had slept for the night. “I’m not a kitten anymore,” Danger growled as he bent down to eat a small snack. He gulped the last bite and went back outside to greet a silver cat who was padding close to the entrance.

“Hi,” she said. She then stopped pacing and cautiously put one paw in the cave.

“You can come in,” sighed Danger.

The silver cat instantly rushed to the back.

“Why have you come?” asked Danger. He stared at the cat with big, yellow eyes.

“I’ve come to tell you something urgent,” she started. “I was out last night on a walk. Then, I saw a dead owl. Cautiously, I stalked over ot the carcass. Though I saw no cat, I noticed white fur on the owl’s talons.”

Danger’s ears flicked up. “Strange. My memory’s been a bit foggy lately, but I think I remember two white kittens who were swept away by an owl…” He shook his head. “Where did you find it?” he asked.

“Well, it was on the path to Mount,” the silver cat admitted.

“What were you doing so far away from here?”

“I’m a traveler. My name’s Frost, you see. I map out places.”

Shock struck Danger’s heart as Frost told him her name. Something about it seemed… familiar. He narrowed his eyes at her for a few ominous seconds. ‘Why do I remember that name?’ thought Danger. ‘Strange.’

“What’s your name?” Frost questioned, striking Danger out of his mind.

“My name is Danger,” he answered.

Frost’s eyes, too, narrowed. She stared at him, looking specifically at his face. Danger guessed that she was thinking about the long scar from his eye to his chin. “Interesting,” she mumbled suddenly. “Something about you seems…” her words trailed off mid-way.

“Familiar,” finished Danger. “You, too.”

Frost’s head struck back, stunned. “Do I,” she hissed, “know you?”

Danger tilted his head. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But this isn’t a coincidence, I don’t think.”

Frost nodded briefly, then ran out of the cave.

Once again, Danger thought about Frost. How come she was so recognizable? Had Danger met her before in the past?

The context part is unnecessary–try introducing it narratively instead (e.g. “It was years since the owl snatched Danger away, and, ever since, he had…”), or something less overt, like mentioning him stretching his “near-adult” muscles. Prologues often take place far away from the first chapter, whether geographically or temporally, so you don’t need to worry about explicitly outlining the time gap–implicit references are very helpful. Also, it’s a little unclear where Danger is. (His mother was doing him no favors with that name, incidentally.) But the formatting is much better!

It does seem a little strange that Danger would run into Frost so quickly, though. Usually, stories have at least a chapter, often many more, to introduce the “normal world”, or the world that the main character/s will leave to go on their adventure, before that adventure gets started. Waiting to introduce the mystery until you’ve established Danger’s routine and what he does and where he lives would make Frost seem more out of place.

While I’m not the biggest fan of story structures, I do admit that they are hard to avoid in writing. Try looking into the Hero’s Journey structure–it could be very helpful for pacing and knowing when and how to introduce characters (a basic internet search should turn out many good resources for learning more). The Wings of Fire series also does this well in Books 1 and 11. (It’s a series I would definitely recommend, even if some of the last few books go in the wrong direction. I haven’t had a chance to read the newest one, though.)

Also, I’m not sure how Danger thinks he’ll find his siblings if he can’t even remember what one looks like. Or is Frost not related by blood?

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Yeah, the context part was a little bit unnecessary, but I’ve read books when the prologue is just the tiniest bit before chapter 1.

As for the foggy memory thing, Danger had been looking for his siblings years ago. It’s like a dream-- you remember the context, or the fact you have siblings, but forget the details, or what they look like. After all, the last time Danger saw Frost was back when they were both kittens!

The routine this is… different. I do write lots of books, and I usually develop all that through events and actions scattered across the first chapter or the second. ‘Paws of the Stars’, my first work, follows a senior cat named Gray as he leads five other way younger cats through dangerous prophecies in order to save the world from a mysterious evil-- who might just be the prophecy-giver herself. His overall ‘routine’ is scattered throughout the book.

Thanks! I followed your advice from ‘Stone’s Heart’ (If you like cats and mythic adventures than click on this).

(QUICK SIDE NOTE: I will add sensory details in the second draft)