Okotoan Adventures Part 2

Ah, the City of Mask Makers, what a beautiful city! There is nothing too fancy or weird at this city. An Okotoan that try to sell his fruits here, a group of adventurers there…. Wait, adventurers? Oh yeah! They are the adventurers of Ekimu!
Previously, Ekimu selected a number of skilled Okotoans to find some very powerful masks. The group was formed out of Tekan, Blaze, Echo, Vladin, Athena, Vinazu, Izin, Nuuma, Atlas and Lync. Their first mission: retrace the Mask of Skull Spiders. The mask was hidden in a dangerous part of the city, and our adventurers were ready to find it!
Blaze, a Fire Okotoan with golden armor, was standing in front of the group. The City of Mask Makers was his home, and he was ready to protect it!
Blaze: “Alright team, we are not too far away by the dangerous area of the city!
Echo, a Jungle Matoran with white armor, was looking puzzled at the spyglass Blaze gave him not too much time ago.
Echo: “What should this little thingy do?”
Blaze: “To summarize, this will let us survey the area near where we think the Mask is without getting too close to the Rahi that are likely near it.”
Echo: “That’s boring. The Rahi are half the fun"
Blaze: “Well, I would rather come out of this mission with all my parts intact and alive.”
Echo: “How many of us are there?”
Blaze: “Around 8 or 9 of us, I haven’t really kept track.”
Echo: “I’d say we can easily pick them off one by one, if we were lucky enough to do that”
Blaze: “Better to be safe than sorry, in my opinion. Vinazu, do you think you could help us scope out the area?”
Vinazu nods and unhooks his hook, holding the end in his left hand and throwing the hook end up, latching onto a roof, and climbing up easily and quickly. He leaves it hanging for any who wish to follow. He was an agile and quick Jungle Okotoan, and he was an expert in climbing. Blaze climbs up quickly and points out the area where he thinks the mask is. He pulls out his spyglass and surveys the area.
Lync runs up the wall next to the rope, losing momentum as she reaches the top. She catches the lip of the roof with one hand, swings her other hand up to join it, and scrambles onto the roof. Her eyes rove over the city around them, looking for the abandoned district. Lync was at least as agile as Vinzau, and she was pretty competitive too. She didn’t like to work in a team, but she knew that if she was going to do this, she needs to show that she’s the best.
And Echo… Well… He was a Jungle Matoran after all, so he climbed on the roof too.
Vinazu: “Alright! Time for one of my inventions to shine…”
He looks for a higher vantage point nearby, and spots a tower. He grabs his grappling hook and throws it over, hooking it and swinging over before climbing up. Once up there, he readjusted the sword sheath on his back to be completely upright, before flipping out two small handles near the bottom, grabbing them, and pulling them up, revealing them to have hidden a glider made of tightly woven leaves and sticks. Vinzau saw five spiders sitting in front of a door, looking like they were guarding it. Vinazu jumped on the top of the building the spiders were guarding. Blaze spotted the spiders too, using his spyglass.
Blaze: “Should we try that spot first?"
Nuuma: “I’d say so.”
Atlas: “Yep.”
Izin had already headed in that direction, and was meters away from the spiders, his sword at the ready. Izin was not the best when it comes of teamwork. Since he showed up, he said only three words. Blaze heads down and tries to be as stealthy as possible. He has his swords ready.
Blaze (whispering): “I don’t see any way to avoid a fight; if anyone has a plan, now would be a good time to share.”
Vinazu readied to drop the head of his grappling hook on top of one of the spiders. Lync pulls out her bow, getting one of the spiders in her sights. She takes a breath, steadies herself, and fires. She hits one, getting attention of the other four. Using this distraction, Vinazu drops his hook on one, crushing it and Izin sneaks up and stabs one with his ice-pick like sword. Blaze looks around to make sure they aren’t gonna get flanked. A Skull Spider tries to attack him and he sees it out of the corner of his eye and cuts it down.
Blaze: “If LoSS is alive, I think we can forego the stealth and just start looking for that mask!”
From nowhere, more and more Skull Spiders showed up. Most of them tried to attack Izin and Vinazu, while the rest of the group was still hide behind some rocks.
Vladin: “Oh…”
Athena: “My…”
Both: “Gosh…”
There was an invasion of Spiders, running around, trying to protect the entrance.

But let’s skip our adventurers for a minute. Unfortunately, if our adventurers waited just a little more, they would see another Ice Okotoan walking towards the Meeting Hall. His name was Kryuin. And he was a treasure hunter. He was pretty surprised when he gets the letter from Ekimu, but he was OK with another adventure, especially if he was going to get paid. He entered in the meeting hall, and looked around for other adventurers.
Kryuin: “I hope I’m not too late.”
The only Okotoan he saw was a custodial Earth Okotoan, standing at a table.
Earth Okotoan (speaking like a cowboy): “Y’all an adventurer there, son?”
Kryuin: "Uh, yes, I suppose I am. Why? Do you know where Ekimu is?”
Earth Okotoan: “There were others here but all I know is that they’re lookin’ for something in the abandoned district. I suggest headin’ there.”
Kryuin: “OK.”
And he exits the Hall.

Kryuin wasn’t the only one who was late. A dark grey and chestnut Okotan walks into the abandoned district, dragging a chain. He raised his hand, with the letter from Ekimu in it.
Unknown Okotoan: “I assume you adventurers know what this letter is?”
He keeps one hand by his side, where his dagger is sheathed. Blaze waves to him to keep quiet and gave him a quick sum up of what they were about to do.
Blaze: “Now, ready?”
The new guy nods and readies his chain. Atlas nods and prepares to attack. The twins Vladin and Athena were ready. Blaze looks at the group.
Blaze: “Anyone opposed to just rushing in and try to steamroll whatever gets in our way?"
Unknown Okotoan: “The name’s Geet…Just in case I die”
Blaze: "Blaze.”
Atlas: “I don’t see why not.”
Blaze: "Well, here we go. MAAATAAAAAAAA NUUUUUIIIIII!!!”
And he started to run to the spiders, leading the group. Geet was following shortly behind, wildly swinging his chain in rapid circles. Atlas started to charge at the spiders. Vladin and Athena were competing to see who kills more spiders. Everybody was looking like in a slow motion movie, except for Echo who was just… walking calmly.
Blaze (yelling to anyone): “Keep your eyes peeled for a Golden Skull Spider mask and try to stay alive!”
Vinazu takes this distraction as a chance to slip through the doorway behind the small emerging skull spider army, hooking his grappling hook to the roof above the door and swinging in on it, using it to keep himself up as he looks.
Everybody was fighting. Nuuma draws his scimitar-like blade and starts slashing at the spiders with almost reckless abandon. Izin sees the others fighting and steps back, letting them do the work. Several spiders attempted to jump on Atlas. He uses his shield to block them from attacking him. Echo grabbed his axe and sighed. He then started to cut off some spiders. Blaze kept looking for signs of the mask’s location as he fought the Spiders off. He wasn’t a master swordsman but was still able to hold his own but he was using his lack of mastery to his advantage by working to pick up the slack the others left behind rather than forge ahead at the front of the pack.
Tekan sighed, stalking through the more shadowed areas of the nearby ruins to cut down approaching skull spiders, using his previous experiences for knowledge of their weak points and to determine their most likely attack routes at current.
Tekan: “Well looks like I’ll have to come back here, can’t leave all these parts to waste for one and the price I can gets pretty nice to.”
He thought with a slight grin, searching for any glimpses of gold as he followed the group, taking care of any potentially starting ambushes he came across.

In the end, Kryuin arrived in the district and ran toward the area where the battle was taking place. Blaze saw him and handed him a spyglass.
Blaze: "Look for a Golden Skull Spider mask and try to stay alive. Where is that thing?”
A few skull spiders jump at Echo, and he swings his axe at them. He looked as if this was something he was well acquainted with doing this. One of them almost latches onto him but he grabs it by one of its legs, almost missing, and brings his axe down to its head. He huffs, looking exhausted
Blaze: “Watch yourself! They almost got you!”
Echo: “Don’t worry about me! I’ll be fine”
Vladin saw that Echo was a little exhausted. He made his way to the Jungle Okotoan threw the Skull Spiders.
Vladin: “Want some help?”
Echo looked at him, exhausted.
Echo: “Yes… Sure…”
Vladin started to kill the spiders around Echo. He needed space to rest.
Vladin: “I am Vladin, by the way!”
Echo: “Names Echo. Nice to meet ya, I guess”
Right then a spider almost jumped on Echo’s face, but luckily Vladin killed it.
Echo: “Thanks!”
He said, killing a pair of green spiders. Vladin took a break and looked at Echo. He appeared to be weaker than the most Okotoans from the team, but he was much, much faster.

Athena was fighting, not too far away by Blaze.
Athena: “I don’t know if I presented myself before, I am Athena!”
Blaze: “I’m Blaze. We need to keep moving!”
Athena: “What a creative name! Sorry. No offense. But yes. Do you have any idea where the mask may be?”
Blaze: "It should be in this area, but the problem is before us and anyone see anything that could help us get closer to the freaking thing?”
Athena: “Don’t talk like this with a lady! I am trying!”
And she killed another spider.
Blaze: "Can we discuss this a bit more when we are not surrounded by Rahi?”

Lync jumps from the rooftops, rolling to a stop in front of the group.
Lync: “What’s our path? I can clear it from above.”
Echo (shouting): “No clue! Ask the tall one!”
Blaze: “I have no idea where that mask is but if anyone has any ideas as to what hints we could follow, I’m all ears.”
A weird chattering sounded from distance.
Blaze: “Oh, Karzahni no.”
He looks and sees a tail with a claw at the end. The tail seemed to be made out of black bones.
Blaze: “Guys, I don’t want to make anyone panic but I think we’re going to have some Scorpios show up soon.”
Vladin: “Scorpios? Like Skull Scorpios?"
Blaze: “Yes, I mean Skull Scorpios and unless we want to know what their sting feels like, I suggest we move!”
Vladin: “I faced Scorpios before! I don’t think they are that bad.”
Echo: “How big are they, exactly?”
Vladin: “How big? Well they are twice bigger than the one named Blaze.”
Echo: “Oh, that sounds fun!”
Vladin: “It is!”
Blaze thought a moment for a plan. An idea came into his mind.
Blaze: “Atlas, how strong are you?”
Atlas: “Uhhhhh… I’ve carried a ton of crystals before…”
Blaze: “I want you to slam your hammer down with all the power you’ve got. It could create a shockwave that would let us gain some ground.”
Atlas: "Okay then.”
Atlas put his shield on his back, and readied himself to slam his hammer as hard as possible.
Atlas: “HAMMER DOWN!”
A shockwave shacked the ground. Vladin felled down.

Vinazu had been looking inside the building when he saw a passage blocked off by a wall of spiders.
Vinazu: “This way!”
Unfortunately, he compromised his hidden position in the process. Nuuma heard him, and then rushed forward with his minimally controlled-looking movement, always letting his momentum carry him. Izin walked forward, strangely curved blade drawn, behind even the furthest back of the group, having not yet had to fight. Geet follows behind the group silently, letting his presence known only a few times. Vladin was in front of the group, ready to bash some Skull Spiders. Blaze follows, motioning for the group to do the same. When they arrive in the room, they saw Vinazu standing on the ground, swinging his grappling hook in a large radius, quickly switching hands when his one can’t go any further without him spinning, all to keep the spiders at a distance. And, for the most part it’s been working.
Vinazu: “The spider wall!”
Nuuma ran right by the wall of the room over towards the wall of skull spiders. Atlas charged and used his hammer to make a giant whole in the wall. Blaze sees the hole Atlas made.
Blaze: “Thank you kindly.”
Vinazu quickly pulled in his hook, swinging it above his head to block from falling spiders as he ran through. Nuuma followed directly behind Vinazu
Blaze looks for any sign of the mask. He moves to the wall opening to try to protect the others as they get through.
Blaze: Of all the things we had to start looking for; it had to be guarded by a horde of spiders.
Vinazu saw a chunk of gold at the end of the corridor: the Mask! But they were being blocked in now, and quickly pursued by a horde of skull spiders. Blaze almost runs for it but holds himself back. He looks at the others, silently asking what they should do next.
Blaze had a theory about that mask: it supposedly was able to allow the wearer to assume control of all Skull Spiders but he believes that came at a huge risk as the Lord of Skull Spiders would surely detect that attack and try to reverse it on the attacker; the one who would use the mask would have to be someone of immense mental strength and resilience. The spiders start closing on them from the way opposite the mask, trying to get to them before they get to it. Blaze quickly determines his action.
Blaze: “Guys, cover me. Whatever happens, it will be worth the risk.”
He says as he musters his courage and his resolve and sprints to the mask, determined to get to it first. Vinazu backpedals behind him, keeping up, swinging his grappling hook as a defense. Nuuma keeps back, defending with his blade. Izin lets the others attack, readying for any attacks coming at him. Geet starts smashing his chain into the spiders, covering for Blaze. He enjoys the thrills of battle. Vladin and Athena were trying to cover Blaze, but they were kind outnumbered.
Blaze grabs the mask. He wonders if he should try to use it but that also brings forth the question of whether his theory was correct. He gave a look to Nuuma and Vinazu, his eyes asking if he should do it. Nuuma was distracted by battle. Vinazu nods.
Geet: “Don’t have much time, whatever you’re going to do, DO IT NOW!”
Blaze: “If this doesn’t end well, I want you to know it was an honor to fight alongside you all.”
He takes a deep breath, stores his mask away and slams the Golden Mask of Skull Spiders on his face in a swift movement. He feels a rush of power, the minimal minds of the spiders within his control, and another mind pressing against the power of the mask, which also held it back. All the spiders suddenly stopped what they were doing.
Vladin: “Not my fault!”
Blaze: “Leave us alone, be gone from our villages and cities and never return! You are not welcome here; now, GET OUT!!!”
He then says to the other mind.
Blaze: “That includes you too, Your Majesty.”
Blaze visualizes the spiders all leaving the cities and villages, releasing any Okotans and docile Rahi they had captured. He isn’t gonna let a bunch of arachnids stomp on his home. He then raises his hand and imagines the command emanating from it like a wave to the Skull Spiders, commanding them to do what he wanted. They all leave into the deepest recesses of the ruins, and eventually into the caves. Vinazu puts his weapon away.
Athena: “Wow!”
Vinazu: “Well then, let’s get back to Ekimu.”
Geet: “It was just getting good…”
And he wraps his chain around his body, lowering his guard.
Blaze: “Uhm… Guys? Can you lift me up? If I move, I may break my focus and I would lose the control to the spiders…”
Vinazu wrapped him with his grappling hook and dragged him out.
Lync watches the entrance of the building from the outside, noticing the gathered spiders suddenly scattering.
Lync: “That’s either very good or very bad.”
Blaze keeps focusing on keeping the spiders away from them. Once they are out of the district, he’ll remove the mask. They soon make it out, and Vinazu stops.
Vinazu: “You good now?”
Blaze quickly switches back to his normal mask.
Blaze: “That…was…terrifying. Let’s get this to Ekimu before those spiders come after us.”
Kryuin, who had been loosely tracking the group since he arrived in the abandon district, approached Blaze.
Kryuin:“I take it you too receive the letter from Ekimu?”
Blaze: “We all did!”
Kryuin: “I see. What is that there you have in your hand?”
He said, pointing towards the mask.
Lync (from the roof): “Hopefully the rare and dangerous mask Ekimu sent us here to get. You’re a bit late.”
Geet found the excursion rather exciting, and listens closely to the group, following them.
Geet: ”Maybe, just maybe, I will make some friends here, and my crimes will lose in my past…”
Kryuin: “Well, let’s just say that the postal serves tends to run a bit slow in the region of ice sometimes.”
Izin: “Well said.”
Vladin: “Now let’s get that nasty mask to Ekimu!”
Nuuma: “He’s gonna send us out again. But He’ll probably give us a break first. Okay, let’s go.”
And so our group finishes its first mission. But more will come, and each one harder than the last one.

Characters:
@Runa: Vinazu, Nuuma and Izin
@me: Vladin and Athena
@BlackBeltGamer98: Blaze
@Toa_Distraxx: Atlas
@TheMOCingbird: Kryuin
@BrokenAxels: Echo
@jayzor17: Lync
@KAI_BORG: Tekan
@Jcton: Geet

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Looks good so far.

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Thanks.

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Geet had humor…huh. Geet now vs Geet then.

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@BlackBeltGamer98 What do you think now?

Well, the structure is getting better and you are taking some time to describe what is going on. That’s really awesome. Again the negative points/comments I have toward it are still regarding how it feels more like a sequence with dialogue(from what I’ve heard from others, that can only be worked out over time) and that there are some grammatical issues such as the lingering question of what stuff’s being said aloud or in a character’s mind.

Overall, I think you are making great progress. Good luck on the next part and don’t be afraid to take your time on it.

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I write this on a world. There is a button for this type of writing, but when I copy and I paste it on the Message Boards, I need to rewrite every single line from a character’s mind. But I will try next time.

Also don’t be afraid to cut out dialog/characters that are unimportant to the plot.

Believe me, I did this a looot of times.

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Sorry, I only meant for my criticism to be constructive. My sincerest apologies if they came out negatively.

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Ah! No! It’s OK! I just explained my result! It’s not your fault!

The explanation is very helpful. Again, I wish you the best of luck in the next one.

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Thank you!

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