A Shadowy Start

This was a short story (I think that’s what it falls in) i wrote that is a sort of intro for a bionicle project I’m making for RPG maker FES.

you walk down the wooden stairs into the basement, searching for a bar of soap. The stairs creak beneath your weight as you take each hesitant step. Even though your night vision, as a toa of earth, was better than most, the pitch black meant that even you had trouble seeing the steps. When you feel your armored foot strike the cold stone of the basement floor, you reach toward the wall for the light switch. You find it and flip the switch. A small metal door slides open, a small as a coin, and a small hidden mechanism slides a lightstone into a small glass gutter on the upper edge of the wall. As the lightstone slid out of its hole in the wall, it filled the room with light, stronger than any electric light yet invented. You hope it wouldn’t go out any time soon. Since the only mine in Gretarou-wahi had dried up, the mines in Koterai-wahi had had a monopoly on the stones and the prices had become outrageous. As you walk down the small walkway between the shelves, you keep your eyes peeled for the soap. As you walk you pass by an entire rack full of green peanuts. They had been on sale at a small store in Hikaru-metru, whose storefront had advertised a “holiday sale, anniversary sale, and a going-out-of-business sale every day!”. As you continue past the peanuts, you finally spot the soap on a shelf around the corner. You turn the corner quickly and bump into a shelf behind you and knock a priceless vase of the shelf. Out of the shadows a hand reaches out and deftly catches the vase and places it back on the shelf. You step back in fear, attempting to back away, when the darkness disappears. Not as if a light had replaced it, it just simply vanished, as if someone a sent it away. In its place is a large figure, with red, gold, and black armor. It has mask shaped details on its shoulders, though in the dim light it is impossible to make out which. The being is hunched over to accommodate for its bulk, and it has a golden ring which glints in the light. You swallow a gulp and attempt to speak. “who… who are you?” you stammer, while you attempt to find a way to escape. “I am Makuta Therak, Guardian of Otauro.” He responds with a powerful, deep voice. “My Lord!” you exclaim and kneel as is your duty as a citizen. “rise, there is no need to kneel,” he then motions for you to rise, “act as if I were merely a stranger whom approached you at the inn.” “yes sir, I mean, yes Mr. Therak.” You have trouble being informal in the presence of such a noble being such as him. Apparently, your unease was obvious, for he let out a booming powerful laugh and said, “peace, young toa, I do not come to arrest or punish you, but to ask for your assistance.” “what do you need Mr. Therak” you ask, somewhat timidly. “Please, Therak, I require your assistance for a quest of grand proportions, one that will take you across Otauro, and will make you a great hero.” He responds, quietly so as not to create an echo. “But, why didn’t you come in the front door of the shop?” you ask. “I had intended to ■■■■■■■■■■ into some small creature, sneak out, and come in through the door, but I didn’t anticipate your coming down,” He chuckles, “Amazing that even after almost 90,000 years, I still can’t anticipate everything.” “But, sir, why here? And why me?” you ask, almost scared to know the answer. “the first is more easily answered than the second, it was the closest shadow to this location, so I shadow walk here, though I didn’t expect to appear in your basement. The answer to your other question is both simple and complex, you were the right person for the job,” he folds his arms and says, “I do hope you will join me, not because I am you overlord, but because you want to, you can say no, you know.” “I’m… I’m not sure, this is a lot, give me a little while to think over it,” You hope he’ll let you go. “Of course, but don’t take too long, time is of the essence, and if you wait more than an hour or so, I’ll have to leave without you, and I’d prefer not to, so choose wisely,” he grabs a small, wood box and hands it to you, “here is the soap I believe you were looking for.” “Yes, thank you,” you manage to say, and you begin to turn, when he says something. “If you decide yes, then tap three times on the basement door, and I’ll teleport us both outside the town walls.” “yes sir,” you reply, and walk back through the shelves, up the stairs, and to the counter of your shop. You hand the out-of-towner his bar of soap, and he hands you a small pile of widgets, as payment for the bar and leaves the shop. You close up behind him, locking the doors, and putting a closed sign in the window. You then sit down in a chair and think about Therak’s offer. “What do I have to lose?” You wonder, “even my shop would be taken care of while I’m gone, and it’s not like I have a family to keep me here.” With a sudden feeling of certainty, you hop up, and run to the basement door, and tap three times. A bright blue light surrounds as you are teleported away, and you laugh with the excitement.

				The End

It’s good, but it might have been better if it was in third person.

I might have, but i wrote it for a writing assignment for school, and it required me to use a list of certain words, and the words they gave me kinda forced me into second person. :sweat_smile:

What kind of words?

Your, you, soap, slid, vase, hand

Some others as well but i can’t remember them off the top of my head.

And 2nd person was the easiest solution, but since iv’e realized it’s not as good a perspective as i used to think. I’ve got a large fan-fic i’m converting from 2nd to 3rd right now as a matter of fact.

Couldn’t you have used You and Your in dialogue?


Theoretically. But for some reason i was in love with 2nd person at the time. Don’t ask me why. Like I said, i’m trying to get out of that habit.

This for example,

Is not in 2nd person.