BIONICLE's Inception Summed Up in the Worst of Ways

Creative Content Literature
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So… it’s midnight here, and as I was trying to fall asleep on the downstairs couch (long story), I was struck with sudden inspiration. This inspiration was not the kind of inspiration Christian Faber had when he helped come up with BIONICLE’s concept, however. Oh no, this was a terrible kind of inspiration, and now I’m going to share it with you. I hesitate to even call this “literature,” but alas, I present to you: an unholy abomination, written on-the-spot at midnight. This is BIONICLE’s creation summed up in the most awful of ways.

#1998:
LEGO Executive 1: Aight guys, we have no money. We need to make some stuff that’ll get us money.
LEGO Executive 2: I’VE GOT IT. ROBOTS. THAT THROW STUFF.
LEGO Executive 1: Well, I don’t have any better ideas, and hey, we’re almost bankrupt anyway, WHO CARES, AMIRITE? PRODUCE IT STAT.
LEGO Executive 3: Well, I had a better idea, but I guess none of you want to hear it.
LEGO Executive 2: Shut up, third wheel.

#1999:
LEGO Executive 1: So that Slizers things went pretty well. Let’s end it and replace it with something.
LEGO Executive 2: I’VE GOT IT. AGAIN. ROBOTS. THAT RIDE.
LEGO Executive 1: You’re a genius yet again! GET IT INTO THE FACTORIES.
LEGO Executive 3: I assume you don’t care what I have to-
LEGO Executive 2: MY IDEA IS PERFECT BE QUIET.

#2000:
LEGO Executive 1: Alright… so apparently people want stories that last more than a year. What can we give 'em? I’m out of ideas, and our company’s figures are on a downward trend faster than Adam Sandler’s acting career.
LEGO Executive 2: Uhhhhh… sorry, I don’t do things that aren’t robots, and other than throw things and ride, I don’t know what robots do.
LEGO Executive 3: Does anyone want to hear my idea?
LEGO Executive 2: NO. YOU’RE STILL UNIMPORTANT.
LEGO Executive 1: What about… like, action figures? That knock each others heads off?
LEGO Executive 2: I have no idea what you’re on, but I want some.
Christian Faber: HOLD UP GUYS. I have good news.
LEGO Executive 1: Well, tell us dude!
Christian Faber: You see, I have this brain tumor that I’m taking chemotherapy for, and-
LEGO Executive 1: Wait, how is this good news? Dude, you wanna like, take a sick day or something?
Christian Faber: Hold up, you see, I got this idea from these pills I’m taking. I figured, wouldn’t it be a good story if there were little warriors in those pills? And they’re inside my body, fighting the cancer.
LEGO Executive 2: Alright, now I wanna know what kind of stuff you’re on.
Christian Faber: I mean it! I’ve got some really neat concepts here.
LEGO Executive 1: Well, we’re pretty much dead no matter what we do. RISK TAKING TIME.

#2001:
LEGO Executive 2: You see, third wheel, I told you BIONICLE was going to run better than your stupid story idea.
LEGO Executive 3: Alpha Team is selling quite respectably, thank you very much.
LEGO Executive 2: Yeah, it’s selling about as well as G2.
LEGO Executive 1: Wot?
LEGO Executive 2: Wot?
LEGO Executive 3: Look, BIONICLE is only gonna run three years anyway, so I wouldn’t get so excited.
Greg Farshtey: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

#Epilogue:
LEGO Executive 2: So… where’s Alpha Team at these days? (lel, what a dumb idea)
LEGO Executive 3: THE SAME PLACE WHERE EXO-FORCE WENT TO DIE, ALONG WITH KNIGHTS KINGDOM AND ORIENT EXPEDITION.

Then BIONICLE died. Twice.

#The End

49 Likes
3

Lovely, alpha team was a way better idea than bionicle! :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

4

This is beyond epic. Well done sir.

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5

I love it!

6

http://img.pandawhale.com/post-35174-Will-Smith-K-gif-Men-in-Black-LbDY.gif

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7

This sums it up perfectly.

8

Absolutely fantastic way to sum it up.

9

Oh, this is too good! Somebody needs to animate this/put it in comic form.

3 Likes
10

I would love it if you did another one for G2… This is too good.

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LEGO Executive 4: guys i got dis really cool idea for a theme with animals that are like people and they have this thing called chi and-.

LEGO Executive 1: Are you high or something?

LEGO Executive 4: Always.

LEGO Executive 1: Alright you’re fired but we’re going to take your idea and do it anyway.

10 Likes
12

But isnt that technically adventures?

13

Technically, yes, but it had its own characters and story, and was arguably the largest of the Adventurers subthemes, so I usually refer to it separately. Also, I never really got into the other ones.

14


Pretty perfect

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###2002:

LEGO Executive 1: So the Toa and Rahi sold incredibly well…what can we do to top them?
LEGO Executive 2: um…ROBOTS. THAT RIDE.
LEGO Executive 1: We’ve already done tha-
LEGO Executive 3: Wai-wai-wait…how about…ROBOTS. THAT ROLL.
LEGO Executive 2: Like giant balls?
Greg Farshtey: How about insectoid, non-living machines controlled by slug-masks who attack in swarms…?
LEGO Executive 1: …
Greg Farshtey:…they can also transform into balls.
LEGO Executive 1: That’ll do.

###2003:
LEGO Executive 1: Alright guys, it’s our last year, we need more than just upgraded Toa to really end it with a bang…
LEGO Executive 2: Look, we made humanoid staff-wielding serpentine creatures with brain slugs!
LEGO Executive 1: sigh You’re really gonna re-hash the same “brain-slug” idea you had with the -
LEGO Executive 2: Hold up, we also made MORE ROBOTS THAT ROLL. BUT IN SILVER!
LEGO Executive 1: YEEE!

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#2004:
LEGO Executive 1: So… we were more successful than expected. What do we do now?
LEGO Executive 2: HOW ABOUT ROBOTS THAT R-
slap
LEGO Executive 3: Hey, look! Alpha Team is back from hiatus!
LEGO Intern: The test group results are in!
LEGO Executive 1: FABulous! What do they say?
LEGO Intern: Apparently, prequels are all the rage!
Greg Farshtey: Well, we left off with everyone going back to Metru Nui inside the GSR. How about we do some prequel content there? Explain the setting before we get into current events? It’ll just be a quick, one-year thing. No complications.
LEGO Executive 1: Alright, let’s do it. What bad guys are we gonna have though?
LEGO Executive 2: HOW ABOUT ROBOTS, THAT TURN INTO LIGHT? ALSO THEY SPIT DISKS.
LEGO Executive 1: BRILLIANT! Design team, get on that!
Design Team Head: Hey, we’re gonna release some Matoran sets. Should we bother with proportions, articulation, posability, or details on the back of the sets?
LEGO Executive 1: Why would you? We have MONEY now! There’s no reason to waste it on unnecessary details!
LEGO Executive 3: That makes… absolutely no sense.
Design Team Head: Understood, sir. Time to give them silver foreheads. Myehehehehehe!
LEGO Executive 3: Did no one else hear that evil laughter?
LEGO Executive 2: ROBOTS THAT TURN BACKWARDS AND CRAWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL
LEGO Executive 3: I swear, if you finish that…
LEGO Executive 2: CRAWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLING INNNNNN MY SKIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN
LEGO Executive 3: That’s it. I’m making my own constraction series. With scorpions, and knights. In fact, forget constraction, make all the parts highly specialized and massive.

#2005:
LEGO Intern: The art team has more stuff for Metru Nui, sir!
LEGO Executive 1: But… we were gonna move on after this year.
LEGO Intern: But look sir! They have all of these concepts that we didn’t get to use!
LEGO Executive 2: GIANT ROBOT SPIDER BATTERING RAAAMMMSSSSSSSSSS!
LEGO Executive 1: WAIT! I’ve got it! Number 2, you’re amazing!
LEGO Executive 2: I am? I was just practicing my shout- er, I mean, I AM THE MOST AMAZING.
LEGO Executive 1: Cover the city in webs, and give me some bio-mechanical spiders! Except, you know, two pincers, four legs, two eyes, head attached to the abdomen, and basically everything that spiders don’t have.
Greg Farshtey: Alright, I can make this work. Internal struggles, a sub-plot about capturing Rahi before the Visorak do, a resistance from the shadows a la Star Wars’ rebellion…
LEGO Executive 2: ROBOT LADY WHO MAKES VAKAMA EVIL WITH FEMININE CHARMS EVEN THOUGH LOVE IS NOT CANON.
Greg Farshtey: I hate you all.
LEGO Executive 3: Agreed.

16 Likes
17

Yo, cheese topping disk cat guy.

This is most enjoyable…

Can I play Greg?

Belly rubs…

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#2006:
Lego executive 1: Alright, we’ve finished up all of our prequel stuff. What now?
Greg Farshtey: Well, I had an idea that involves a new team of Toa going on a quest to find the Mask of Life…
Lego executive 3: That sounds boring. We need to spice this up. We’ll keep your stupid story premise, but we’ll need some extra stuff to male it appeal to kids.
Lego executive 1: Well, the edgy aesthetics and sets were INCREDIBLY well received by all last year, so…
Lego executive 3: Go on…
Lego executive 1: So let’s make it EVEN MORE EDGY AND DARK THIS YEAR!!!11!!1
Lego executive 2: ROBOTS… THAT RAP?!
Greg Farshtey: Actually, they’re bio mechanical beings-
Lego executive 3: Shut up, all the kids think they’re robots anyway!
Lego set designer: What sort of gear functions should these new sets use?
Lego executive 1: Kids these days don’t care about GEAR FUNCTIONS! We need to give all the sets BLASTERS AND LIGHT-UP GIMMICKS!!!
Lego executive 3: You know what else is edgy? CHAIN LINK FENCES AND GANGS!
Greg Farshtey: Uh, I’m not sure about this…
Lego executive 1: Silence, slave!
Lego executive 2: Lets also make MORE NON CANON SYSTEM PLAYSETS! EVERYONE LOVES THOSE, RIGHT?
Lego executive 1 and 3: YASSSS!
Lego executive 1: Lets also make an online game to help market the sets and tell the year’s story!
Lego executive 2: I have a better idea… What if the game had nothing to do with the story… at all…?
Lego executive 1: You’re getting a raise, good sir…

15 Likes
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###This

is

#BEAUTIFUL!

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The Visorak Battering ram and Piraka Outposts/Stronghold were canon in the story despite some innaccuracies

3 Likes