My only problem with that is the island hopping between year one and two. I think it’s important to establish the world the Toa come from before moving on to other places. Like G1 I would have the three year plan all take place on one island, before moving on to others in subsequent years.
Additionally, the concept novel I wrote Bionicle Beginnings features the Rahkshi alongside the Rahi in year one, because the Rahkshi would go on to play a very important role in my three year plan that needed to be set up right away.
The biggest advantage yours has over mine is that my year one is basically a combination of all three of your years,(minus the Bohrok) which would greatly hinder the amount of detail I could go into for each section. But the core idea of the Brotherhood of Makuta is shared between our two visions.