That’s not how it works, bruh. You can always call 911 for Var, though.
“Emergency? I have a huge emergency. There was a crash… A huge crash… Where? I dunno… My boss just called me about it… You already got calls on this? Alright… Goodbye then…”
Kahi: “Well, Eljay needs some defense. Time to go in and defend him.”
District Courthouse #2
2:00 pm.
Eljay: So you’re the guy who’s gonna defend me, huh?
Kahi: Well, my mentor originally was, but he got into a fatal accident.
Eljay: Um… Why?
Kahi: No idea, but hey, at least you got me!
Eljay: Have you ever defended someone in court before?
Kahi: Um… No, not really. You’ll be my first person I’ll ever defend.
Eljay: Wonderful… Just wonderful…
Bailiff: The trial is about to start. Come on in, guys.
District Courthouse #2.
2:03 pm.
Venom: Alright, skrubs, settle down. Court is now in session for the Trial of Eljay for the murder of Pot8o. Hmm… Who is the defense attorney here? I thought Mr. Varponok was supposed to be the defense?
Kahi: I’m his apprentice, sir. Mr. Varponok got into an accident, so, uh, I’m here to take his place.
Venom: Ah, very well. Since you are new around here, I suppose you should get to know somethings.
Kahi: No, I’m fine. I have all the evidence prepared. I’m just nervous, that’s all.
Slime: Heh. Looks like this case will be easier than I thought, seeing that Varponok is out now. This n00by skrub should be easy to beat.
Kahi: (Nooby Scrub? What kind of insult is that?)
Slime: Hah. You even have that amateur look when you’re thinking. I don’t think you’re familiar with me, are you?
Kahi: Not really.
Slime: I’m the Slaim-Slammer. You’ve just met your match, skrub.
Kahi: (Scrub… What kind of an insult is that? Seriously? What the heck!)
Venom: We’re getting off track here. Anyways, let the session begin. Your opening word, Mr. Slime.
Slime: Thank you, your honor. On the afternoon of June 14th, Mr. Lewa “Eljay” Johnson was distracted on his phone playing “cookie clicker” when he ran over our victim, Pot8o, on his way to the TTV studios. But he didn’t stop once he hit poor Pot8o. Oh no, instead he drove off. A true hit and run. So our first witness we’ll bring up is a TTV Moderator who investigated the scene.
Kahi: (And who is that gonna be?)
Chronk: Chronicler ModSquad, reporting for duty!
Kahi: Oh no… I’m not ready for cross-examination…
Slime: Good to see you again, Chronicler. You may begin your testimony when ready.
Chronicler: Well, let’s start out with the basics. On June 14th at 3:37 pm Pot8o was the victim of a hit and run by Mr. Eljay, the defendant, when Eljay was driving distracted. The autopsy provided states that Mr. Pot8o took a big impact was was then smashed onto the concrete of the sidewalk, which made sense considering that this is a hit and run.
The phone we recovered from Eljay showed that he had started playing Cookie Clicker around 3:36, meaning that he had played the game for around a minute when he hit poor pot8o. We have a list of records on what Eljay was doing at the time.
Also found on the car was the remains of mashed potatoes on the tire, definitely the sign of a hit and run. We even have a photograph of Mr. Pot8o’s remains for the court to see.
Kahi: (Drat. This looks like an open and shut case right now. There has to be something wrong somewhere!)
Evidence:
My most important badge; tells people that I’m an attorney.
Picture of incident.
Autopsy:
Pot8o faced a large impact followed by a squish, parts of him becoming mashed potatoes. He was killed at 3:37 pm approximately. Practically split in half.
Phone Records:
Ask to view them.