The last one is a message from him, because they correlate at the same times as the Phone Records show.
Eljay’s right handed right? The fingerprints show that he grabbed the phone with his right hand. If you’re right handed you hold the phone in your left hand and tap with your right. All this evidence shoes is that he grabbed it.
Kahi: Prosecutor Slime, your evidence does NOTHING to make your case!
Slime: How so?
Kahi: Because all it proves is that Eljay would have GRABBED it. Nothing more, nothing less! This does NOT prove that Eljay owned the phone to begin with!
Kahi: All the evidence shows that this had to be the result of a trade-off!
Slime: AGH! No!
Kahi: Moreover, I think it really comes down to this fact: that phone is NOT Eljay’s!
Cronk: Kahi has a great point there!
Slime: Yeah, sure sure… You have a good point that the phone doesn’t belong to him. However, you’re missing something.
Kahi: What am I missing?
Slime: None of this proves that Eljay wasn’t distracted when he drove his car, does it?
Kahi: What do you mean?
Slime: It doesn’t matter whether the phone is HIS or not… All that matters is that Eljay hit Pot8o. And so far, you haven’t been able to prove that he hasn’t. He still played Cookie Clicker at 3:36, and he still ran over him. Sure, the tires didn’t make a track, but what does that prove? Nothing! All of it is circumstantial!
Kahi: Wha-? NOOOOOOOOO!
Venom: Hmm… Slime brings up a good point. None of this has proven anything, really. All this bickering about a phone… What has it done to prove that Eljay was not guilty?
Slime: Exactly, your honor. It doesn’t do squat.
Kahi: (Gah… What have I done? None of this proves my point… Think! Think! There has to be something I’m missing!)
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Hmm…
- remembers something *
Ooh, that could work.
In post 411 (according to the little counter in the bottom-right-corner) I noted that there was a discrepancy in the times listed for when Eljay was allegedly playing Cookie Clicker.
It didn’t help with identifying the owner of the phone at all (truth be told, I didn’t think it would; I did, however, think that it warranted being mentioned at the time) but it might take on some importance now.
I would have simply quoted myself and avoided that bit of convoluted explanation, but there was a rather grievous formatting error no matter what I tried, and it kinda forced my hand.
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They call him the Slammer for a reason I’m legally not allowed to say
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Kahi: There is one thing that’s been bothering me about Cronk’s testimony. He says Eljay was playing cookie clicker at 3:36, when he really did it at 3:35, according to the time. How long did he play the game for?
Slime: He played it for however long it takes to play cookie clicker. I dunno. Perhaps you should ask him.
Kahi: So then it would be alright if you called the next witness?
Slime: Now hold on a second, I’m still trying to make my case.
BANG
Venom: In favor of the defense, I feel it would be better to move onto our next witness, as I still am a bit conflicted myself with this case. Perhaps another witness would be suitable. Slime, call your next witness.
Slime: I feel we could get more done if we called the defendant up.
Kahi: (Now’s my chance. Eljay can tell his side of the story and I can finally win this case. For Varponok.)
Eljay: Er, hi.
Slime: Let’s get down to the point. You’re Eljay, a TTV cast member, worker for irrigation, blahdy blah blah.
Kahi: Your Honor, Slime just went against the order of conduct for a court case! He should receive a penalty for disobeying conduct.
Slime: Wha-? What did I do that was wrong?! I was just trying to get the cross-examination over with! You should be thankful.
Venom: Eh, i’ll let it slide.
Kahi: (Ugh. This is the worse court ever.)
Eljay: It was June 14th when I decided I wanted to take a bit of a trip with my girlfriend, Alena, before I headed off to work. I sent her plenty of messages on my phone in order for her to know when I would pick her up, and when I did, we had a good time.
Eventually, I headed over to work at the TTV Building and went inside as she stayed in the car. It was, what, 3:20 at the time? Anyways, I decided to get out my phone and play some cookie clicker as I waited for Alena to get here from home. I played cookie clicker on MY phone, as shown on the records.
Anyways, I didn’t run over any potatoes, if that’s what the prosecution wants to know! I’d never harm a poor potato in my life! And no, I am NOT from Idaho! Why does everyone ask me that?
Phone Records:
3:03 PM: Message from Eljay.
3:04 PM: Message from Eljay.
3:05 PM: Message from Eljay.
3:26 PM: Message from Eljay.
3:30 PM: Message from Varponok
3:31 PM: Internet use.
3:35 PM: Began playing cookie clicker.
Phone Contents:
3:03: Hey Alena.
Alena? You there?
3:04: I got your messages from earlier. Are you sure you don’t wanna be on today’s podcast?
3:05: I wish you would respond, Alena.
3:26: I’m coming over to pick you up. See you soon.
3:30: Look, are you going to be on the podcast or not? You haven’t shown up yet. It’s frustrating me.
Autopsy:
Pot8o faced a large impact followed by a squish, parts of him becoming mashed potatoes. He was killed at 3:37 pm approximately. Practically split in half.
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First off, every time the possibility of Eljay and Alena being in a relationship has been brought up, Eljay has vehemently stated time and time again that he is not Alena’s boyfriend (not matter how much Alena states the contrary). So that’s a proverbial red flag.
Secondly, Eljay said “girlfriends” plural, and then mentioned only one name, specifically “Alena”.
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This is not possible ever, first of all.
Ask him what type of tires his car has, and show him the picture of dead8to for him to see if those skid marks are his car’s tires.
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Dang you guys can’t even excuse the smallest of typos.
Slime: Yeah, but can you prove something bad was going on? No.
Kahi: Eljay, I want to ask you to look at this picture.
Eljay: That’s the presumably run-over Potato or something. So what?
Kahi: I’d like to ask you if this tire matches with your car.
Eljay: That’s a perfect match.
Kahi: (Drat. I need another way to come at this.)
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Ask Eljay if Alena could’ve driven his car while he was at TTV, ask him if he has proof he was at TTV at the time of the murder, and ask him where his car and car keys are.
Also ask Eljay what car he drives and ask Slime if that car was found at the crime scene.
Ask Eljay if Alena was wearing gloves.
Hadn’t it been stated earlier Eljay doesn’t have a smart phone? How would he be playing cookie clicker on his phone that doesn’t even have internet?
I own a nokia (sadly) and I use the internet all the time on that thing, although I doubt Eljay’s nokia is the same build as mine’s.
Kahi: Could Alena have driven your car while you were at the TTV Building?
Eljay: Sure.
Kahi: Do you have any PROOF that you were at the TTV building at the time?
Eljay: Well, I WOULD have if it wasn’t confiscated when I was arrested by Mr. Slime over there. It was my clock-in ticket.
Kahi: You got a piece of evidence confiscated from you by SLIME?
Slime: Heh heh…
Venom: Slime, are you withholding evidence from the court?
Slime: What? No… Just waiting to use it for the right time.
Venom: That’s a bootleg excuse, kid. Present it NOW.
Slime: Fine. Here’s the clock-in times…
Clock-in Time:
July 14th, 3:47 pm.
Kahi: So it was shortly after the incident?
Eljay: There wasn’t an incident to begin with!!
Slime: This proves nothing, though. In fact, it means he had plenty of time to run over Pot8o to begin with!
Kahi: Interesting… Now, can I ask if Alena was in the car when you were driving to the TTV building?
Eljay: Why yes, but I wasn’t the one who ran Pot8o over! You have the wrong guy!
Slime: That’s not what the evidence shows, Eljay.
Eljay: Evidence, smevadince! Me and Alena are innocent! Especially Alena!
Eljay: I drive a truck. Is that good enough?
Kahi: Not very specific, but I guess that matches with the type of tire. Also, Mr. Slime, was the car found at the crime scene?
Slime: Well, it IS a hit and run, so of course not!
Slime: Also, I’d love to ask Eljay about this comment:
Eljay: Uh… What’s wrong with it?
Slime: If what you said was true in this testimony, then that means the phone IS yours! And you just admitted it! Since you were driving to work around 3:30-3:40, you obviously only could have used your phone at that time in order to play Cookie Clicker and run over Pot8o!
Eljay: Guh… Ugh…
Kahi: Eljay! Why are you lying to the court!?
Eljay: I’m not lying! It’s my phone! I’ll tell you it’s mine! Do you have any evidence that suggests it isn’t?
The evidence that it is not Eljays phone would be the messages he sent to Alena showing up on the phone.
Kahi: So you’re POSITIVE that this is your phone, Eljay?
Eljay: I am incredibly positive.
Slime: Well, if he admits it, then it must be true!
Kahi: Then I guess you ARE that desperate, Eljay. Look at this list again!
Phone Records:
3:03 PM: Message from Eljay.
3:04 PM: Message from Eljay.
3:05 PM: Message from Eljay.
3:26 PM: Message from Eljay.
3:30 PM: Message from Varponok
3:31 PM: Internet use.
3:35 PM: Began playing cookie clicker.
Kahi: Do you really want me to spell all of this out to you? You CAN’T send messages to this phone unless it’s actually Alena’s! Now enough with this little game! Why are you trying to protect Alena? Do you not realize it’s gonna cost you your life?
Eljay: But Alena isn’t guilty! She CAN’T be!
Kahi: Stop lying to the court, Eljay. The only way to save yourself AND Alena is by telling the truth!
Eljay: But… I…
Kahi: Sacrifices HAVE to be made, Eljay. They HAVE to be!
Eljay: …
Kahi: Eljay. Please. Don’t risk it all for a petty relationship.
Eljay: GAH. Fine. The phone belongs to Alena. But I have no idea on how it got onto me! I swear! All I remember is that I was arrested minutes after I came to work from a lovely drive.
When I came out to pull out the phone, I played cookie clicker, alright? But it isn’t what you think. I didn’t do it while I was driving!
Slime: But everything supports it, Eljay. Everything!
Kahi: (I have an idea of what this piece of evidence doesn’t support… In fact, it’ll topple this whole case to the ground if I can figure out what this shows me. Gah! I can’t think of it! What would Varponok tell me in this time?)
Kahi: (I know! What is Slime’s case MISSING with evidence to support part of his argument! But which part of it? And how can I use it against him?)
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The badge! Do da badge!
Eljay says that he wasn’t driving while playing Cookie Clicker. Could it be that Alena was playing it while Eljay drove? And that’s why the start times are the way they are?
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Kahi: Slime, there’s a major hole in your argument that even the evidence cannot prove!
Kahi: NONE OF THE EVIDENCE SUGGESTS THAT ELJAY EVEN DROVE THE CAR!
Slime: GAAAAAH! YOU’RE RIGHT!
Kahi: If anything, the evidence only suggests that Eljay was the one using Alena’s phone when he was driven to work. And because cookie clicker constantly involves clicking a cookie on a iPhone screen, that suggests that he would have only been occupied by that.
Kahi: Furthermore, Alena would have had to drive the car if Eljay was that distracted the whole time. Whether they hit Pot8o during that time, I don’t think they could. HOWEVER, all we DO know is that pot8o was killed by being split in half and receiving a huge impact onto the concrete.
Slime: Care to explain why the car tracks and potato on the tire are there, then?
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