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Chapter 18
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More than a minute had passed before I looked back into the scene I had previously been so involved with, as by the time I had regained my focus I found myself being dragged by the foot by that Dreamer of Winger’s, the Maestro de Gofres, back down the pipe which I gleamed from conversation tidbits had been the way this cluster of ineptitude had initially come.
My vision waned briefly, blurring the next few moments into an uncertain mist, which eventually parted to reveal I was lying on my back looking up at a very tall hole in the ceiling, which Gofers was falling through. He hit the ground next to me rather hard, although he got up as if the impact had been nothing. “Ready?” he hollered, stooping to pick me up by the waistlike a respectful gentleman who didn’t go around grabbing people by the collar and flinging them around like a grocery bag.
“OH-KAY!” A voice yelled in reply.
His eyes glowed as he crouched, jumped, and began running up the side of the hole, very similarly to how Diero had once done a long… No, like almost a couple days ago or something. It felt like it had been almost a couple years since then, but I had very little time to dwell on it as the moment we began slowing down he sharply rounded the top of the hole, and I found myself facing a brand new floor.
A couple of hands grabbed at Gofers for a moment, making sure he didn’t tip back into the hole he had just ascended. Winger’s remaining hand was one of those, and he seemed to partially notice my glancing at the flat stump of his former arm, as he tried and failed to obstruct it by moving his shoulder.
“Hey, c’mon.” AI responded to the scene, motioning to the party to walk back towards Racie, who was groaning in pain. “I think these are her last moments in this forsaken world.”
“I wish.” groaned Racie, lying on the sad-looking sofa. “What are you planning to do?”
“Here.” Winger replied, taking an object out of his pocket and crushing it next to Racie’s face. Her expression went blank as her head dropped, the blue mist from the object slowly dissipating as Winger dumped the shards of the Tear on the floor. “Somebody get me something to write on.”
Gofers promptly dropped me and began searching for paper. I could tell because he came immediately back to my crumpled form and apologized for dropping me, saying he needed to find some paper. As the Wild cloud reminded him that there wasn’t any loose paper, and began coldly scolding Winger for beginning to suggest using the furniture as his canvas, I shambled up and over to where Racie lay.
“Keep those two preoccupied for a moment.” I murmured towards Winger, ignoring as the already offended Wild grew even more so at my dismissal of his protests. Examining the wound through the hole in the fabric, my mind was immediately distracted by a feeling of emptiness which seemed to emanate from Racie’s eyes. A suspicious notion crossed my mind briefly, and after very brief consideration for… I would say factors and leave it at that, but it was much more me trying to think up excuses. Regardless, my curiosity got the best of me, and I left the Tott body in order to take a look inside.
The trippiest feeling I have ever felt washed over me briefly, as rather than viewing things from the perspective of Racie’s uninspiring gaze, I found myself staring down a blood-waterfall which seemed to ascend into the sky on all sides, the darkness above making things difficult to perceive beyond a certain point. I had a feeling that trying to force more to reveal itself would not work.
There was an old cathedral in the middle, and reared up at my full Ghid height I could barely make out Racie nestled in the center of the room, but alas, the door was barred. Numerous holes lined the bottom of the structure, and through one of these as Tott I squirmed, wiping my feet on the already blood-red carpet before approaching. Her form tightened further into a ball as I drew near, prompting me to stop and slide my hands into my pockets.
“This is a Tear, isn’t it?” Racie spat, her words thoroughly venomous. “I had thought it was for a moment, but I had to consider the possibility I had just dropped unconscious. Then you showed up.” She looked away, evidently hoping I would disappear as quickly as I had appeared.
“You seem to know a great deal about how the world works.” I coldly mused, feeling around for a cigarette I didn’t have.
“I look things up.” She replied with equal frigidity.
“Like?” I continued, undeterred by her attempts to shut down the inquiry.
A bitter sigh was growled out before she continued. “I found old footage of the Dreamers first arriving. It was made by that Renner person, and was just Diero standing on a pile of Dreamer bodies, raging at everything he saw.” Her knuckles were turning white. “I knew about your suggestion chips from a forum post, and I confirmed it with Zippy’s private data storage. If he knew I was the same person who leaked that info, he would’ve spent all his effort killing me.”
“Is that what you would’ve wanted?” I asked.
“I want to be left alone.” She glared.
“You’ll be drawn back out in a few moments.” I folded my arms. “I’ll make sure of it. In the meantime consider this: I don’t have-”
“I don’t care.” Racie growled, turning away once more.
“Your knuckles are bleeding, you have some kind of rot developing in your side, you’ve suffered a concussion and internal bruising so obviously even scalp polish could see it.” I retorted rather angrily, the strange nickname choice drawing her attention. I’m running out of ideas, it seems. “Now maybe you have it decided that you’re just going to decay all alone in this decrepit wreck for the rest of your life just because of-”
“Decrepit.” She looked away again. “That sounds about right.”
My nonexistent blood was beginning to boil. Reaching out, I could feet the blood moving in the faux waterfall. Realizing that the world I viewed was subject to my whims, I ripped at the air, tearing the building apart and flinging the remains in every direction.
“LOOK AT YOU!!” I bellowed, and then, after a pause to get a grip on my emotions, “You’ve put yourself in this place, this honestly rather weird choice of locations because of your own ignorant self-pity, all because, what - you’re injured??”
“Because I’m-” She began, but greedy for comeuppance I cut her off.
“You’ve had plenty of opportunities to prevent some of this harm, or prevent other people from being harmed.” I glared knives into her eyes, stepping closer and closer. “Instead you wallow in your own sorrowfulness, waiting for the opportunity to be used, to have some kind of worth thrust upon you to make up for your own incapability, and- You let him get hurt.” I growled, my wooden mask inches from her face. “You let him lose an arm. You were there. You did nothing. You let him die tonight. He’ll never live again. He’ll never be the same and it’s because of YOU.”
If the Tott form had been crafted with teeth, I would prescribe myself a psychological examination, because that is terrifying. But more to the point, they would have been ground into powder by now, as my fury was making all the blood pouring into the scene bubble violently. It was only clear then to me what the point of my inquiry had been - not to build her up, but to blame her for what had happened. As quick as I had cut her down, however, she turned the knife on me.
“Where were YOU?” She shouted, the volume of the reply forcing me back. “I thought you were his great and wonderful father, but you were too busy being an egotist to care before, and you didn’t care remotely enough to check up on him afterwards!” She uncurled from the ball she had forced herself into, and wearily standing, she advanced on me, prompting me to bitterly step away from her as she approached more and more.
“I did what could be done - I held my wounded side as I crawled towards the only operable computer in the room, and I beat the skin off my knuckles forcing a panel open, so the giant fish monster wouldn’t kill anyone!” Racie hissed, the force of Kill knocking me on my back. The blood had stopped boiling, and instead froze in place, immobile under the verbal assault. “I did the only thing I could do, defending myself and the people I care about - I refused to be as useless as you are. Well?”
“Well?” Racie gestured, waiting for my reply. I simply glared back at her. “You talk about self pity, but look at you - tried to take over the world because your son doesn’t love you? Killed dozens of people because yo don’t have friends? Talk about pathetic.”
"It’s not-" I snarled, but Racie turned away with a dismissive wave, stalking off to stare at the blood waterfall. Already I could feel the process starting, in spite of my bitter resolution to hold it at bay. Shakily, I observed my palm, noticing the blood - which was rapidly turning black around me - was seeping not from the sky above, but from the grooves worn into the wood.
“I can’t-” I gasped, the substance turning into sticky sludge which seemed to pin me down, refusing to be torn by my frantic struggles. “H-Help…” I struggled out, but it was too late. Why deny it? Why hold back the truth? It wasn’t anyone else who had failed, it wasn’t someone else’s grand machinations conspired against the world which had crumbled so dramatically on top of me. It was my own. My disregard for my son, my apparent hatred for those around me, which has lead to this dark and desolate place.
Growing darker and more desolate, why not? Growing deeper and deeper…
Racie did not look back in time, her shocked expression I successfully gaslighted myself into believing was one of mockery, her frantic dash to reach me simply a trick I played on myself for my own cruel amusement. Her cries towards me as I plummeted into the darkening abyss must have been jest, surely. After all, it’s what I wanted for myself.
To be left alone.
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