The Brotherhood of Makuta - What About a Community MOC Project?

@Overlord

Ok, I’ll put you on the list.

Hey @Gilahu, if no one else is interested, I’d be willing to take up Tridax. Is that okay?

@Toa_Heatwave

Yes, sure! I’ll put you on the list. Just in case I would like to mention two things, though: Tridax’ main Kanohi is not an Olmak and his armor is described as crimson and purple when he met Vezon.
The last thing isn’t a necessity for your MOC, though (after all Makuta are shapeshifters and there was that case where Gorast was some kind of blue giant, if I remember correctly). I would appreciate the “correct” colour scheme, but the most important thing is, that he looks good.

@Bionicdeadpool

Well, I have to reject your MOC now due to story incompatibility. I’ll take you off the list. Feel free to join again, if you like, though.

Don’t you worry…purple and red it shall be! That was actually one of my main draws. Definitely will take the Olmak thing into account, as well.

Ooh, maybe I’ll make a Shadow Takanuva MOC to accompany him in some pics!

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I’ve just posted a picture of the V1

Ok so @Gilahu I have cancelled Cenred, but I am just about done with a different Makuta named “Reaper”. So if Cenred can just be replaced with Reaper that’d be great.
(sorry for the inconvenience)

@Toa_Distraxx

Of course that’s ok. However you should think up a “proper” name for Reaper, not a name that could also be a description. “Reaper” is rather a codename for a Dark Hunter.

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I’ve finished my Makuta and taken pictures of him, all that I need to do is make a bio and come up with a good name.

@ToaTeramur

Great! If you should encounter difficulties feel free to use one of the names + bios from post 334.

New, updated list in post 586! You can find the rules there, too.

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So can Vamprah, who will be posted (I swear), have an Avsa?

There you go

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Thanks!
I can read.
I just wanted confirmation from Gilahu, because he is making the rules, and I’m a stupid person who got is slightly confused by what he has said.
But you reposting what he has already said really helps.

Ok, it’s time for the big reminder thing, but I’ll also mention something more below. Also be sure to have a look at the new additional rules in post 370.

Simple reminder:
(this means I just want to take care that you don’t forget about this. Since there’s no shortage of non canon male Makuta, you can presently stay on the list for them as long as you like.
However, to keep everything nice and uncluttered, I would ask those of you who know that they definitely aren’t going to do their MOC anymore, to tell me so.)

@GeneralZod, @MSEP @Gringat, @kanohippy, @Toa_Heatwave, @pizzacheetah, @ToaTeramur, @Toa_Distraxx, @Overlord, @EvilLobsterKing, @Kardax, @The_Wanderer

Please give me feedback:
(are you still going to participate? Otherwise same as above applies.)
@Hafynx, @LurkingEhlek, @RedHoodieReveiwer, @Ekorak, @Solaris, @BETA_RAY_GAR, @Cyclopian, @Whovian41110

Special cases:
@Nogus101: Please give feedback, otherwise I’ll just keep you on the list for a male Makuta, but remove your name permanently from Kojol.
@mravacadomonkey: Please give feedback, otherwise I’ll just keep you on the list for a male Makuta for now, but remove you from the list of female Makuta (since these are more limited).
Time limit = 1 month


So, now that this is out of the way, I want to tell you a little more about what I want to achieve with this project.

One day, I was looking at my Bionicle books. The Encyclopedia - without any Makuta but Teridax, the one about the Dark Hunters, the one about the Rahi, Makuta’s guide to the universe (horribly translated into german). And then I thought: Why is there a book about animals and one about (more or less) criminals, as well as over 20 telling about the adventures of Toa, but just a single story, that actually is about what the Makuta were doing all the time (The Mutran Chronicles).
I mean, the Makuta are probably the most epic faction in all the Matoran Universe: Powerful beings, once protecting the reign of Mata Nui, then turning against him, planning to overthrow him, all the while diminishing in numbers, until only one was left.

So, what I want to express is this:
I want a book about the Brotherhood of Makuta gathering dust right there on my shelf and if I have to come up with 87 Makuta by myself.

Fortunately, the internet is a thing nowadays and since I discovered this site about the time I came up with the idea … I’m very glad that you are there to support me!

But I still want to make that book and thus I’ve started to draw all the accepted MOCs and write about them from Teridax’s view.
Of course I’m going to post all of that eventually - when the project is finished, which it hopefully will be within, say, one or two years. Is that realistic?

Anyways, since your opinion matters to me and english isn’t my mother language, I thought it might be a good idea to show you some of the first texts I deem completed, now.

The questions I want to ask you about them are these:

  • does it sound like Teridax?
  • are there any awkward formulations?
  • are there any writing errors?
  • does it fit into canon in your opinion? (I spent quite some time researching stuff already)

And you should note this before reading:
Teridax is saying/writing all of this shortly after he trapped Miserix in an illusion. He and Miserix are the only Makuta still “living” at that time.
Teridax took the position of Mata Nui’s spirit when Matoro used the Ignika - he wasn’t able to do anything until the Toa Nuva awakened the Great Spirit Robot, but in my opinion he was able to see everything going on in the whole Matoran Universe since then - if he focused on the exact place.
Also I tried to make the texts short enough to fit the picture above them on a single page.

Ok, enough talk, here are the three texts (all canon Makuta, after all this is just something like a sneakpeek ;))


Name: Antroz
Assigned region: Xia
Kanohi: Jutlin, Great Mask of Corruption
Status: Dead

There were surprisingly few of us, who had the qualities for true leadership. There were those like Icarax, who thought that it was enough to bully others into obedience and others, like Mutran, who just weren’t interested in much that happened outside of their laboratories. Still others could successfully command vast armies of different creatures from all over the universe, but simply lacked the natural authority, to sway any of their brothers and sisters.

Antroz was one of those, that were suited for command. That he was assigned to Xia, the biggest weapons forge and thus political second most important land in the entire Matoran Universe, showed clearly that it wasn’t just me, who saw his potential. The only thing he lacked was ambition. He never tried to gain more influence within the Brotherhood through scheming or conspiracies. Yes, he even shunned methods like these, calling them dishonorable!
But I won’t say that this didn’t suit my plans. If anyone had been able to seriously oppose my leadership of the Brotherhood, it would have been him. That he was one of the first Makuta to join my side, when I opposed Miserix, just might have been the major factor for the outstanding difference in numbers between Miserix’ and my supporters.

But of course in the end Antroz was just another pawn in my great game for ultimate power. I sent him as the leader of a group of Makuta to Karda Nui, to ensure that everything would go along smoothly, when the Toa Nuva arrived. It actually did surprise me a little, that his team wasn’t able to transform a few Matoran within a couple of days, but it was just a task to keep them occupied anyway. More important was, that the Plan succeeded and he was removed from the pool of possibilities by an energy storm I might have ‘forgotten’ to mention when I gave him his orders.


Name: Bitil
Kanohi: Mohtrek, Great Mask of Time Duplication
Assigned region: Western Southern Islands
Status: Dead

You would have thought Bitil to be one of the most important Makuta, simply because of the immense power he wielded through his Kanohi Mohtrek. There aren’t many who could withstand one Makuta for long, let alone ten or twenty. So why is it, that the only noteworthy things in his life were the creation of some insect Rahi and being one of the last Makuta to die?

Bitil definitely didn’t lack the ambition, to make himself a name. Always he was looking for a way to gain more influence, always trying to achieve a higher rank within the Brotherhood. It was no secret, that he envied most others their assigned lands and wanted to look over them himself. And who would blame him? The Western Southern Islands are worthless in every aspect – far away from anyone or anything of importance. Surely he would have been a better surveyor of, say, the central Southern Continent, than Mutran, who didn’t even bother to be there most of the time. So why did Miserix waste Bitil’s potential in such a way?
It was out of fear. Miserix feared what Bitil could be capable of, as he knew well about his ambitious nature. In the end he hadn’t needed to bother, though. If Bitil’s ambition had been paired with actual talent in achieving what he wanted, a worthless region in the periphery of the Matoran Universe surely wouldn’t have stopped him. In reality, it just made him feel like everyone thought him useless – and easy to win over for the Plan.

When I assigned him to Antroz’ team bound for Karda Nui, he was more than eager to finally proof his worth. Indeed I was a little surprised, when he nearly managed to escape the energy storm, that heralded the awakening of the Great Spirit Robot. But in the end he died like all the others.


Name: Chirox
Kanohi: Shelek, Great Mask of Silence
Assigned region: Visorak, Keetongu’s Homeland
Status: Dead

Chirox was best known for his dangerous Rahi. Catapult Scorpion, Doom Viper, Lohrak – all of them quick to anger and deadly. His most noteworthy creation however were the Visorak.
Chirox gave the Brotherhood an army it could rely upon. Toa were of dubious loyalty, mercenaries are expensive, Rahkshi and Exo-Toa time-consuming in creation. The Visorak were perfect. It would have been so much more difficult to achieve my goals without them. Of course the Toa and the Order of Mata Nui managed to destroy the whole horde in an volcanic eruption on Artidax, but by then it was too late. Now the Visorak again roam the Matoran Universe – my universe. Chirox could be proud that I deemed his creation worthy of recreating.

Miserix of course saw that different, when Chirox had created these spider Rahi and let them loose on an island he was meant to protect. Chirox managed to convince him, that it was an “accident”, but nonetheless Miserix forbade the creation of any more Visorak or further experiments with them. When I declared the Plan, Chirox sided with me, because he knew, what possibilities that future held for him and his creations.

Along with Mutran and Tridax he later created the Shadow leeches and I sent him along with Antroz to Karda Nui, to put them to use, take care, that the final stage of the Plan was fulfilled and – along the way – get rid of him as a potential rival to my new reign. He died in the energy storm, that heralded the awakening of the Great Spirit Robot.


Please give me some feedback on these texts.

And yes, this means every one of your MOCs will be drawn by me and get a story written in this way. Don’t try to do that story thing yourself, just write a regular bio thing for your MOC, so I have some information to work with.

Thanks for reading all of that! :smile:


@EvilLobsterKing
Vamprah + Avsa = Yes

5 Likes

@Gilahu I’ll finish him this weekend… Hopefully. Sorry it took so long

I’m almost finished with Durantaz, just hit a creative block.

I’m incredibly pleased to hear about your plan for overthro- I mean, your plan for the Brotherhood. I look forward to it!

As a copy editor of two years for my school’s newspaper and an English enthusiast, I must offer my skills in editing. It would be a waste of space to do it here, so I’ll simply PM you a few grammar edits if you’re interested.

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Yes, just waiting on parts.

Makuta Reppirax:
He has an insane “Jack the Ripper” personality. He’s an insane murderer, and he enjoys every second of it, and can’t be resoned with. Or at least, that’s what he is like when he is angry. The rest of the time, he’s calm and manipulative, which is how he was able to obtain a group of followers who were able to gather up the bits of his scattered antidermis 1000s of years after his death and revive him. Then they kept him alive until they could find a good host body for him.
He was dead at this time because, after learning of his murderous tendencies the brotherhood of Makuta (before Teridax took it over) killed him because he was a threat to everyone’s safety. Eventually the secret organization did find a body for him. His host body’s name is Onipa, a matoran who had an accident and lost limbs and had severe burns. The afformentioned secret organization found his body and gave him robotic limbs and other cyborg upgrades and then infused Reppirax’s antidermis into him. Onipa has learned to control Reppirax and his powers, and Reppirax can only take over Onipa’s body in rare cases of emergency, and is usually trapped inside his sub-cosious, but when Reppirax overpowers Onipa, well, not many are alive to tell about it.

Here are some pictures of him in his original form.

Some edits to the story in comment 401, to make it fit better with the cannon.

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I like the character, but you should save it for when you make a topic for him.

Sorry if this is spam, but all characters are taken?