The Inciting Incident

This fiction is a PDF because I feel it makes it easier to read.

I hope that link works. I need a better way of sharing PDFs. I hope I got all the spelling and grammar errors.

This a fiction following Pridak and Mantax as they investigate a hidden corner of Mantax’s kingdom and discover something that will shape the history of the universe.

90% canon compliant. I add a lot to the universe that wasn’t ever implied but I think is cool. A casual remark violates the canon about Ehlek’s “breathing helmet” but makes the universe more Bionicle-y.

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A very cool story! Greatly shows both Mantax’s and Pridak’s personalities. Nice style. Interesting idea. Several things are a little bit odd (Tahtorak isn’t that huge, Av-Matoran can change Kanohi colors), but overall very enjoyable to read.

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I’ll have to read this later. I’m intrigued though…

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I probably exaggerated the Tahtorak size (or maybe they used an enlarge Kanoka) though what I was going for with the Av-Matoran is that these are their true colours and they haven’t gotten to disguising themselves yet.

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Honestly, even if Tahtorak aren’t that big I like the idea of building a fort on a Tahtorak’s back. It’s just the sort of fantastical, over the top thing that feels at home here. I’ll probably have to edit this with other thoughts once I finish reading it. :stuck_out_tongue:

EDIT: So I finished reading this, and I really like it. It’s so interesting to see the character and lore we’re all familiar with viewed through the lens of folklore and legend from those who don’t know anything. I don’t remember enough of the stories to comment on whether Pridak and Mantax match their canon characterizations, but they definitely come across as defined, consistent characters, so good work there. I’m also struck by the irony of the last line; sure, Pridak, you can definitely trust all of them… :stuck_out_tongue:

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Quite a fun story! The Tahtorak howdah is a great idea, and I love the simple eloquence of the “painstaff.” It’s one of those things where the name gives you all the context you need. And as a 2006 fan, I appreciate the callback to “deformed Matoran.”

I also love how you’ve imagined the Av-Matoran in their original homeland. It’s a lot more flavorful than how I’ve always pictured it (ie, just boring caves). There’s real life to this world you’ve created for them, and I’d love to see more of it in some capacity.

If we’re talking about canon, I’m not sure I 100% buy the conceit of the Barraki discovering where the Av-Matoran are in the first place, and then subsequently them being able to keep it a secret. That feels like a big enough thing that it’d probably come up somewhere, somehow. But on the other hand you’ve given Pridak, Mantax, and the rest of the Barraki enough of a reason to keep them a closely-guarded secret, and I can believe that if this did happen, then enough time would have passed that the location of the Av-Matoran would’ve passed into legend and then forgotten by the modern day of 2008’s storyline.

And speaking of the Barraki, I really enjoy the pairing of Pridak and Mantax. As far as I recall, that’s not a combo we ever saw represented in the official storyline, so seeing how they interact and react to each other was a real pleasure to read. Pridak’s calculating nature is quite interesting to see here, and him always being on constant edge, assessing how he stands compared to those around him, is something that makes sense for him, feeding into his pride and ego. The Governor’s a fun character too, with her reaction to them arriving a good bit of characterization, particularly how she compares her faux scars to Pridak’s real ones.

All in all, lots of good stuff here!

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I hereby pronounce you properly educated.

As much as I’d like to take credit, I only knew it from the story :stuck_out_tongue:

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