Who knew that almost exactly seven years since this was posted I will be married to the best woman on earth?
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Is her name George Washington Gale Ferris Jr.?
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It could be.
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Thatās great! Congratulations!
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There is a relationship advice topic on the internet. Clearly I need to take all the advice in this topic from random strangers. I do actually have to compliment the people brave enough to post relationship advice on this. As long as you arenāt 30 years old living in youāre parents basement without a girlfriend and job I think youāre fine.
Ok. Karma got me. Iām back and for some advice. What and or how do you tell someone off or reject them in a nice way( Iām definetley asking for a friend and in no way asking for myself[ god save my soul]) Iām open to ideas.
Edited for Double Post - BioKnight
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Repeatedly text them the letter S until they leave you on their own accord.
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lifesaver
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I gotchu 
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Donāt do what I used to do and ghost them.
The most common answer I think is the āI still like you as a friendā response - which, while pretty soul crushing in its own right, states that you arenāt going to let the realization that this person likes you end what you already have. In my experience, the biggest fear in telling someone that you like them is not them saying no, but them becoming uncomfortable with you and wrecking your friendship (which has happened to me, and that I unfortunately have done to others.) It can lead to good results if you stick with it; one of my best friends is a girl who wasnāt interested in me romantically but still wanted to interact more and see if anything came of it.
If youāre uncomfortable still saying someone is a friend, probably āIām not interested in you in that wayā would suffice.
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Iāve been thinking about this for a while, so I thought Iād just put it here.
I have never had any motivation to be in a relationship. Everyone around meās talking about them all the time, and I justā¦ donāt care? Other people seem to think about them as very emotional experiences, but I tend to think of relationships from a more logical and financial point of view; whether theyāre particularly beneficial or not. Caring for other people is usually expensive, and I just canāt see what everyone else gets out of this pursuit of love.
Being āalone foreverā seems to be perceived as a negative by most people, but I canāt think of anything better. Iād much rather be left to do whatever I want without having to factor in the needs of others.
Iām perfectly content with the way my life is right now, but the fact that everyone else isnāt slightly concerns me. Am I going about this wrong? Should I be bothered about being in a relationship?
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I have some pretty close experience dealing with someone with a similar thought process.
Earlier in this topic, I mentioned a girl that I was interested in, who was not interested in me but still willing to effectively date (at least, thatās how it seemed to me). Over time I learned her model of relationship was pretty different from everyone else I knew, and eventually we decided her experience was closer to aromantic/asexual than anything. Weāre still very good friends; and I do like to probe into the way she sees things, because itās pretty foreign to my experience.
My experience with attraction is, well, my experience, but I know that at some level it is a hormonal thing. Thereās an arbitrary, indefinite desire to ābe withā someone I like, which doesnāt always have a defined end goal. When I first asked my friend out, I had that desire to ābe withā her, but my immediate first step was to get to talking with her more often than I used to, and see whether a long term relationship with her was something that would benefit me. Weāre now closer than I am with most people. I still want to ābe withā her, but I question what that would mean practically - we know each otherās psychology quite well at this point, we have a shared history, and sheās quite comfortable with me exploring the nuances of my attraction to her.
Thereās costs and benefits to relationships, like there are with most things. Her passion has always been in writing, and she felt negatively when most people asked her out, because the concept of ārelationshipā seemed like an indefinite regular time sink. She does value her friendship with me, and we talk pretty regularly and hung about a good bit before I moved, but it was always an as-you-felt-like-it thing rather than an expectation.
Our intentional friendship was a rewarding and bonding experience for both of us, that she felt was worth the time as much as any friendship, and I was more driven to cherish than a usual friendship.
It depends on what you value. Iām making very good money right now; and I donāt need to spend too much of it on myself. The financial cost of being in a relationship is fairly negligible, compared to the benefit of the experience. On the other hand, I value feeling happy and having a sense of satisfaction in life, and I tend to be happier and more satisfied when hanging out with someone Iām attracted. Most people in relationships also satisfy the neurological impulse for physical affection as well - hand-holding, caresses, and kissing are common for people in relationships to do in public. Hugs tend to go on for longer as well.
I think people who are asexual/aromantic tend to be the least vocal about their orientation because, quite honestly, they donāt need to advertise it. I thought I might be asexual at one point myself, but I didnāt really talk to anyone about it (granted, I was also very introspective and not super interested in talking about it then). So, sampling bias.
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This is the deal breaker. I would make a terrible companion as I like spending (what most women would consider) unreasonable amounts of money on lego. Does that make me a greedy guy? Yeah probably. I get looks from women all the time and get approached sometimes but I donāt care. I like doing my own thing without getting hassled on a regular basis and thatās what it comes down to.
Also, if youāre a single guy who wants dating advice, I would recommend befriending the womanās father before asking her out. If the family likes you, you can go on a date. Itās way better odds than wasting your time with a dating app or going to the gym or listening to a dating coach on youtube.
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Thatās ā¦
A really interesting perspective, to me, and almost the complete opposite of mine. For me, being alone forever is, and has been, my greatest fear by far for a long time. Loneliness is something that I experience quite often in my current environment, and the idea of that persisting for forever is actually horrifying.
And also, caring for the needs of others is really the only source of meaning in my life. Like spending all my time and resources on me just seems wasteful. I donāt think thereās anything wrong with not being in or wanting to be in a relationship. You shouldnāt be bothered about that, no one should. But idk, not wanting to be in a relationship because you would have to start caring about someone else and stop spending all your energies on yourself seems very sad and more than a bit self-aggrandizing.
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Itās not that I donāt like caring for people; Iāve got the whole rest of my family to care about, and Iāll do whatever I can for them all the time. I just donāt want it to get to the point where Iām spending all my time worrying about others and not doing anything that I want to do. To me, relationships seem restrictive in that regard.
Thereās plenty of people in my life that I care about, but I donāt need to be in love with someone to care for them. Iāve got my family, and Iāve got my friends, and for me thatās all I really need. I see no benefit in romantic involvement that I canāt gain from somewhere else in my life.
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trixie
i mean um
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Thatās just sad.
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haha I know
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i just
i just
i just hope this is a joke, I canāt really glean much tone from your post
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Best post in this topic.
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