The Relationship Topic

Exactly what I was thinking. And probably one of the main reasons I miss my last gf so much. I got to be myself around her in a way that I’ve almost never experienced with even just a friend

3 Likes

Unless you’re an egomaniac. Then you probably do need to change yourself.

6 Likes

Except people should change themselves

If I acted now how I acted when I first came here I’d have been banned ages ago

If you still love your last girlfriend so much, you should probably stop thinking about it this much

You aren’t very experienced are you?[quote=“TheOnlyGuyWhoLikesMistika, post:2134, topic:9297”]
If I acted now how I acted when I first came here I’d have been banned ages ago
[/quote]
There’s a difference between changing who you are and maturing. There are key things about us like important aspects of our personalities (for example, I’m very energetic, sometimes competitive, and I have a unique musical taste) but there are some negative things about everybody that would be good to change (bad habits, short temper, things like that) when we get rid of the bad, that’s maturing, but when we try to hide or change those key personality aspects for someone to like us, that’s not something most people will agree is good

1 Like

Maybe she finds you immature?

No, this topic is just hilarious so I look at it

Nobody said she wants me to change or be different and then she’d like me. She might only not like me because she just doesn’t like the idea of dating

What I mean is, if a relationship is to be healthy, your partner must like you for who you are. If you are pretending to be someone else, it just does not work.

Changing is okay, but you shouldn’t change yourself. That’ll come across as a facade, which it pretty much is. However, if you change for a reason, not of free will, that kind of drastic change can be healthy.

2 Likes

I think you’re confusing putting on a mask in an attempt to capture a certain persona and changing one’s character because one is a morally bankrupt individual.

6 Likes

Okay, if you’re a bad person, you should change yourself because, well, you’re a bad person.

With the context I was responding to, you would be changing yourself to appeal to a person because you find them attractive and they don’t find you the same, and I don’t believe that that is right or healthy for you or the relationship.

1 Like

10/10 best topic on the boards I don’t even check the rest anymore. :laughing:

11 Likes

Why is this topic so fun to read lol

Anyhoo, yesterday a female yelled my name in class and winked at me several times. My desperate self from a few months ago would’ve started talking to her instantly, but my more cautious and reasonable seld from right now is telling me no. She’s a bit weird.

On the other hand though, there is a girl I am interested in. The only problems I can see between us are our religious differences (I’m non-religious). Realistically that probably won’t effect though, but I’m still nervous. We’ve been chatting a bit, with her initiating the conversations believe it or not, and she just seems right.

I’ve taken a long break from romantic endeavors, so I feel ok enough to give it a shot.

Edit: For anyone who cares, the last person I mentioned was actually the very first person I talked about in this topic, back in September of 2017, when referring to fifth grade lol.

1 Like

I understand that you like this girl, but for those that are religious, they are often told to be equally yolked to someone who will support their faith and help them grow in it, as the opposite can be a stumbling block.

I think it would be more respectful, as well as moral, to acknowledge this and instead look for someone with similar beliefs to your own. I know she feels right to you now, but I think it would be best for both of you to engage in a relationship with people who will support your worldview, rather than attempt to change it.

5 Likes

Good point. I know relationships with separate religions that have worked just fine, but I will definitely think about it.

1 Like

That is all I would ask of you. Ultimately I want you both to be happy, but as someone who has been in both of your shoes, I understand both perspectives and the issues that crop up for both belief systems in this scenario.

1 Like

I’m in a similar situation with the girl I’m interested in, except instead of different religions or one of us not being religious, we’re members of the same religion but different denominations. The differences aren’t huge though, except one that wouldn’t rly affect a relationship

1 Like

This shouldn’t be too bad, if the differences really are as minor as you say. I think the largest issue you could face is one of you believing in free will, and the other predestination, as both beliefs carry over into major theological differences. I would say that if you can both be supportive of each other’s differences and realise that because we’re all human and prone to mistakes or logical hiccups, none of us will ever be 100% right in what we believe. Neither will any institution. Understanding this and exploring how your theology and her theology developed historically could be the key to ensuring the relationship between the two of you could become something beautiful.

To sum it up: tolerance, understanding, and love are the keys to every relationship.

3 Likes

Dang that was great to hear thank you brother. If the staff doesn’t mind, the disagreement is over whether you can lose salvation once you’ve recurved (I’m southern baptist and she’s church of God I believe. It’s not in the church title so idk)

I can see that one being a bit of a troublesome issue later on in a relationship, I’ll pm you and we can continue this there.

1 Like

Ok thanks

Man, now I want some eggs.

(It’s “equally yoked”, btw.)

Reminds me of the girl I mentioned from last summer.

Oh. I’m seeing her again in a week. This is going to be fun.

Without delving too much into religious discussion - in my last two crush scenarios (you’ll find them further in the topic), I held back from making a move because I didn’t know what either of them really believed on that front. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t have wanted to pursue a relationship. I can imagine that, if she does harbor feelings for you, she might have the same dilemma.

If possible, I’d suggest that - if you reach the point where you feel like explaining your feelings toward her - you’re prepared to iron out those religious differences, and be prepared if she decides those differences mean you can’t be together.

3 Likes