Now to start off the Recent Reviews, with the 2015 sets.
2015
1-Protector Of Jungle
Vizuna: [feeling his sensor tail vibrating] Oh no. Hey! You might not wanna stand there!
[Nuparu is ran over by Eljay’s ATV]
2-Lewa-Master Of Jungle
Lewa: [falling] Aaaahhhhh!!! [lands on the ground] Ow. That…stupid fog. Gah! My neck! I can’t move my neck!
3-Protector Of Water
Korgot: Hey, have you ever tried to use those to fly?
Kivoda: Well…
[fades into a flashback; Kivoda activates his water turbines and flies upward; however, he crashes into a wall and falls to the ground]
4-Gali-Master Of Water
Onua: Which of you can lift my hammer?
[Pohatu, Tahu, Kopaka, and Lewa all take turns trying to lift the hammer]
Lewa: Oh, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon! Oh, c’mon!
[Gali approaches the hammer and successfully lifts it]
Onua: How are you used to lifting such a heavy weapon?
[Gali turns to look at her oversized trident]
5-Protector Of Stone
Korgot: Hey, mind if I check out that stone?
Nilkuu: No.
Korgot: But…but…
Nilkuu: No.
6-Pohatu-Master Of Stone
Pohatu: Ah, Gali. I love me some boomerangs.
[one of Pohatu’s boomerangs flies in and knocks him over]
7-Protector Of Fire
Narmoto: [falls onto his back with only his arm stumps] Oh! My arms!
[a dog regurgitates Narmoto’s hands]
Narmoto: Eh. Close enough.
8-Tahu-Master Of Fire
Tahu: Welcome. You likely already know me as I go by many names. Omega, Cool, Overpriced, but-there is a name I’m sure we can all agree on-Tahu, Master of Fi-
[Eljay turns off a light switch, powering off the electric fireplace behind Tahu]
Tahu: Wait. What do you mean, I can’t use my powers until I get my gold mask? I’m Tahu, Master of Fire, not background stoves! Gosh dang marketing.
9-Protector Of Earth
Vizuna: Hey. How’s the recoil on that cannon?
Korgot: Pretty good.
10-Onua-Master Of Earth
Onua: [flexing in a mirror] Oh yeah. Muscles, yeah!
Pohatu Mata: You know, Onua, you look like a football player now that you got that upgrade. We should play some Kolhi.
Onua: Okay.
[Onua and Pohatu Mata stand opposite each other with a Kolhi ball in between them]
Onua: [grunting as he tries to bend down] Darn you, CCBS muscles!
11-Protector Of Ice
Izotor: [pops up into frame] Wha-wha-wha-wha… [realizes there is no ice] What the heck am I supposed to protect now?
12-Kopaka-Master Of Ice
Eljay: And here we have Kopaka and Pohatu, two actors just relaxing after a long, hard shoot of Recent Reviews. Now that we’ve had Pohatu’s personality change in Generation 2, do you think they’ll ever have a conversation? Long and short answer: no.
13-Lord Of Skull Spiders
[“Warning Bionicle Spoilers Ahead! 0:47 To Avoid!” flashes across the screen]
Eljay: [reading from a Bionicle comic book] Hey guys. Do you remember that beat-down at Losgot at the end of Episode 8? The Bionicle web series?
[Lewa, Kopaka, and Tahu all beat up on the Lord of Skull Spiders; the Lord of Skull Spiders lands on a portion of the stone tower that breaks off and falls away]
Eljay: Wonder if that had been any different if he had been any kind of animal other than a spider. Like…what if he had been…the Lord of Dog Spiders!
[a plethora of Skull Spiders are shown surrounding a dog, with the Lord of Skull Spiders on the dog’s back]
Eljay: Not only did I contradict myself, that doesn’t work either. Back to the drawing board.
14-Bionicle 2015 Winter Wave
[Eljay is walking into the store; he comes across a shelf full of Bionicle sets; the Bionicle sets are warming the shelves]
Eljay: Nah, I don’t need this skit to be funny for this. This explains itself.
15-Skull Warrior
Eljay: [balancing an apple on top of his head} Skull Warrior, are you sure this is a good idea?
Skull Warrior: Of course I am. I saw a video about it!
[cuts to flashback of Skull Warrior watching a clip from The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King; the clip depicts Legolas climbing onto and shooting at a Mumakil]
Legolas: Get three. [shoots an orc] Get four! [shoots another orc]
16-Skull Slicer
Skull Slicer: Darn it! Four arms and only one usable hand! Agh!
Eljay: [holding a sword with both hands attached to said sword] Hey! Stop whining! [grunts while trying to pull his hands off, then sighs]
17-Skull Basher
Onua: Oh boy. I’m so glad I bought this great new china. It’s gonna go right along with all the other pieces of the set. Oh boy. I hope there isn’t any bulls around here. Don’t wanna end up with a bull in a china shop. Remember that old saying? Oh, I’d better be careful.
Skull Basher: Hm, quite-quite, old shop. Oh, maybe we can go take it to my house, and we’ll have a delicious dinner with some brilliant tea, huh? For what? Sound good?
18-Skull Scorpio
Skull Scorpio: I can’t believe they moved their legs in the past!
Nui-Jaga: I can’t believe they moved their arms in the past!
Pohatu: Oh boy.
19-Mask Maker Vs. Skull Grinder
[all six Protectors are standing around a dying Ekimu, who is unmasked]
Ekimu: Ah, ah, prophecy! Uh…timeless heroes! [dies]
Vizuna: I can’t believe he’s dead.
Narmoto: He is not dead. He is merely in an endless sleep!
Kivoda: Endless sleep? Give-give me a second, I got this. [pours water on Ekimu]
Ekimu: [rises and gasps for breath] Oh, Protectors, great Protectors! You have awakened me! You heard my whispers and fulfilled the prophecy of heroes!
Kivoda: Oh, yeah, yeah, the Toa were great, you really should’ve been here and met them. Alright, so, uh, let’s go home!
[“And they all lived happily ever after” flashes across the screen]
20-Bionicle 2015 Summer Wave
[all the Skull villains are gathered together]
Skull Slicer: Do you guys know how Kulta gets so strong?
Skull Warrior: Yeah. He drinks a lot of milk. It builds strong…character!
Kulta: [holding a glass of milk] Ah, I feel like solving world hunger today.
21-Bionicle 2015
Tahu 2015: Can’t you see that I’m the best Tahu?
Tahu Mata: No! I’m the best Tahu!
Tahu Mistika: Amateurs.