Well, little one, it’s because of geopolitical conditions that result in higher costs, which Nintendo formerly tried to pass on to accessories, only to realize that nobody wants Kirby or Metroid amiibo if they are being sold for $50.
Why is Nintendo remaking one of the most boring Zelda games–one already available on every console since the N64 except the GBA and the DS–in such a bland, overused style, instead of making a new, actually interesting Zelda game?
Well little Johnny, it’s because said most boring Zelda game is also one of the most beloved, foundational entries in the series, with a massive fanbase and a guaranteed market sure to convince many otherwise hesitant people to buy the heavily overpriced current console thanks in part to its artstyle being heavily accepted in most media and still being actively pursued by the developers.
How can I help people understand I’m not offended by being asked to reach for things on the top shelf because of my notable height?
Well, young one, you don’t, since, as a
you have no significant height of which to speak.
Why isn’t the Frisbee-throwing game from Wii Sports Resort returning in Nintendo Switch Sports Resort?
Well little Johnny, that game involved actions that could lead to the harming of bystanders, and as we all know, Nintendo does not wish to promote harming others (unless they’re goombas, in which case they are to be given obligatory curbstomps for existing).
What should I do if a big monkey in shiny blue armor beats down my door while I’m cleaning my stash of unregulated weapons that I stole from the ATF?
Well Little Johnny, you do your best not to end up like Ruby Ridge or Waco, because that monkey is probably from the ATF.
How do I fix a broken car alarm?
Well little Johnny,
Why hasn’t my dad come back with the cigarette milk?
Well Little Johnny, Go to your room and think what you did just say.
Can I erase Ghid from history?
Well little Johnny, if you did then you would have never doxxed me, and then there wouldn’t be nearly as interesting of lore on the Boards 
How do I convince people the wig I’m wearing is really my actual hair?
Well little Johnny, if all else fails, a little physical convincing ought to work.
Why do I smell burning?
Well, little Chubs, you smell burning because your parents put 3 Musketeers in the freezer, but they are better warm, so you stuck it in the microwave WITH THE FOIL WRAPPER, causing the microwave to explode.
Why are you all older than me 
?
Well, little Johnny, time is an unstoppable linear force, and no matter what shenanigans you do to convince it otherwise–Hey! Put that black hole back! You can’t just violate the laws of physics and relativity!!
How do I convince scientists to accept my Special Theory of Relativity x Quantum Physics unification fanfiction as a serious scientific paper for publication?
Well little Johnny, it’s unfortunately not that hard to confuse scientific papers to accept wildly inaccurate or straight-up trolling articles. Consider that an article about midichlorians and the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise which admitted mid-article to stealing most of the body text from Wikipedia made it into several publications with little effort.
Where can I find good quality food at if not the grocery store?
Well, little Johnny, have you considered… alternative… sources… of protein? I mean, you know, just look around. Fresh meat, everywhere, just ripe for the pick– Hey! Get your hands off me! What do you mean you’re arresting me for eating people’s dogs after stealing them at the dog park? I thought that’s how hot dogs are made!
What should I do if the gold mine I bought is filled with rocky creatures that keep eating my precious mineral deposits?
Well little Johnny, next time a rock monster eats your gold, just start mining into him. You’ll get your precious stones back and you’ll be setting an example for the rest.
What do I do if the guy whose gold I eat comes at me with a pickaxe?
Well little Johnny, let’s hope you didn’t eat all the diamonds too, because if you didn’t you have the option to flash him with the ice on your wrist 
If I go to the store to buy milk, will I find my dad there?
Well little Johnny, depends on whether your mom has an order of protection against your dad’s associates down at the convenience store. Might want to look somewhere safer.
Is it advisable for me to implant a V8 and wheels into a guy so he can win all bets regarding marathon times?