Awful Two-Sentence Horror

As I prepared for my 872nd posing in the mirror today I noticed the shirt pocket I had placed my toffee bar in had a cavernous hole of flesh in my chest directly behind it…

Horrified, I immediately filled it with toffee bars, appalled that I did not take advantage of this extra storage space sooner.

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“Now where could my pipe be?”, Jon Arbuckle wondered aloud.

“Garfield!”, Jon said in anguish, knowing his feline companion had once again stolen his most prized possesion.

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“Man this bag is heavy as a rock!”

“Go figure”, said Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson who had been stuffed inside said bag moments prior.

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Something strange stirred inside me.

Step number two of “How to eat a witch” suddenly made sense.

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“Roses are red, Police lights are blue,” said the computer terminal. “Uh oh, there’s a missing semicolon on line 32 of paragraph 74, §341.32.21, and it appears that the entire facility is entering lockdown due to your negligence.”

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“One hamburger, please.”

The KFC employee looked back at me in misery.

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“Look that woman is pregnant!” I said pointing to the woman who had, months ago, accidentally swallowed watermelon seeds.

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I looked at the above post by Chronicler.

To my horror, I saw only one sentence.

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My date suggested we watch movies.
We watched the Twilight saga.

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I opened the order I had received in the mail. It contained a distinct lack of items.

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I looked through Boards topics, hoping to find something of interest. Unfortunately, this thread was on the top.

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I turned on the TV, expecting only the dullness of ads and the news. Instead, I saw well-armed government troops outside a suspiciously familiar building…

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“You should have seen the other guy”

My bathroom mirror is smashed and I have glass in my hands

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The Boards were doing fine in terms of entertainment for users.
Suddenly, this thread was brought back.

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“What is that?” Mr Wonka said.

“It is the Unknown!”

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Once, I kissed a girl. I later found out that that girl was me.

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Lines up surprisingly well.

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I looked for a Togav post from @Winterstorm345.

There was none…

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I stared into the abyss. Then I tripped on a bug and fell in.

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I can’t see an end, I have no control, and I don’t think there’s any escape(end of sentence)

Time for a new keyboard(end of sentence)

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