One suggesting to improve on the upper chest/shoulder area. Where the body kinda looks like steps is to find some pieces that help transition that, so it doesn’t look like the body juts out or juts up suddenly. Plus with the human proportions our shoulder area really isn’t flat in any place near the top, where it connects to the neck.
I am sorry.
I am really sorry.
But this took you 4 years to make?
Look. I won’t deny the fact that building a custom torso is a tricky thing to do. I myself never did an overly complex one that didn’t relied on a big torso piece, but this is just ridiculous.
It doesn’t even remind me of a female.
There is nothing feminine at this. It’s just a pillar of random pieces with an awkwardly placed Inika shoulder piece that kinda gives her a belly.
And those leegss…
I get it that you tried to proportion it properly, but you could easily made this without giving her triple jointed chicken legs. It doesn’t make her better in any way. It just makes it look awkward.
And also the colour scheme is all over the place.
And also also the fact that the torso is made out of so many different pieces and the limbs are simple CCBS makes it even more awkward.
And this is the point where I think you went wrong.
I get it, a lot of aspiring MOCers see the huge custom MOCs that are pulled off well and that inspires them to try to make one of their own. But “custom” doesn’t always equal better, in fact, the “custom is better” mentality usually leads to a MOC that becomes worse than the potential simplified version. I say this from years of experience building terrible MOCs with messy technic and no real proportions, and getting called out for it.
Surprisingly enough, the torso looks a lot better from the backside than the front. For however messy that technic may be, the use of the waist joint to add some curve to the spine, and the tasteful use of the slizer foot on her bottom, it actually works decently well to give her a feminine figure. Unfortunately, from a front view it’s flaming hot garbage. The Inika shoulder armor is usable for torso armor on smaller MOCs, and I’ve seen it used as a chestplate for FeMOCs a good bit, and it works well. As stomach armor - especially with no further plating on top of it - it makes everything on the top look out of place. Same with the Mata hand breast - it kind of works for a Mata sized MOC (though even then it ought to be wider), here it doesn’t even imply that this is a feminine torso (which you can definitely do without actually including breasts).
Don’t have much to say about the arms or legs, since they’re thankfully simple. Try to replace the three-bone structure with two longer bones if you can, and spread the colors out. As it is she has azure and trans-light-blue only on her legs, and no silver.
Of course the main focus here is the torso, so that’s where I’ll start. I think it’s very well done. Knowing personally what it’s like to really work with technic in something like this, I think it’s amazing.
I will admit the standard CCBS limbs do feel a bit tacked on in comparison to complicated and well built torso, but they’re not that big of a problem for me. All things considered I think this turned out fantastic, but maybe trying to change up the limbs wouldn’t hurt.
yeah, what @Toa_Vladin was really REALLY harsh but he does “kind of” has a Point. but I think the Good Parts it has are nice and you can Easily fix the Problem the Moc Has, so it ain’t all bad.
Here’s what really happened. Originally she was built in late 2015. I posted a topic on here. Using what other users said along with MOCing techniques I learned, I added tweaks here and there gradually over a period of 4 years. Think of her as an evolutionary process that is ongoing.
Valadin probably shouldn’t have deleted that reply. If he’s going to say something he should just say it.
Here’s the thing about the overall appearance of the MOC and her digitigrade stance. She’s meant to look kind of messed up in a way. She is meant to be a transgenic clone of Nokama. She has bits of Rahi and Makuta in her too. But I think sometime in the future I may technic her arms up a bit.
It ain’t a hard rule, but it’s a Rule nonetheless. Constructive criticism is telling people HOW to fix something, and being a mentor. If all you’re doing is saying “This is wrong and this is wrong and this is wrong” you aren’t being constructive and therefore should probably consider not saying anything.
You need to commit to using either ALL smooth parts that match with ccbs or just use detailed parts from OG BIONICLE sets. It just looks weird when your torso is so dense and then the arms are made up of like six parts.
I think “me”, although I fully believe thaf my criticism was constructive, as it is the basic form of criticism that I give on all the mocs I see. I said “this is wrong and why”, and I assure everybody: I didn’t came here to shame a moc like a troll.
Half of my post was my opinion: It’s really hard for me to look at this moc and to see an athletic female in it. It reminds me more of the average body of a teenager (note that I don’t specify if a boy or a girl). The other fact is made out of facts: tge double jointed CCBS legs is a common mistake made by newcomers. I did that a lot. It isn’t wrong by any mean to fo it, it just make the moc look not as good. To fix that you just need to use two longer CCBS pieces. If it is tgen disproportioned with the rest of the moc, make the arms and torso shorter. The other thing I said is thaf the textures in tge torso clash with the smooth, roundish pieces in the limbs, which I don’t think I need to prove.
I probably would not have been as harsh if this wouldn’t have been a four years old effort. Now that I learned the story, I want to apologise for the harshness (that’s a word, right?), although my criticism still remain.
Was I harsh? Yeah. I am known to make harsh reviews on mocs, but this doesn’t change the fact that what I am saying is invalid.
It reads like you went out of your way to make it harsh, intentions notwithstanding.
I think that the way that you formatted your comment - short sentences, no paragraphs, periods instead of commas - added substantially to the aggressive tone I read out of your comment. Also, while you pointed out the flaws, you didn’t seem to offer any solutions, or even hints in the right direction. It comes off as destructive, rather than constructive, criticism. Even if the solutions may be obvious (to you), spelling them out illustrates that you want to improve the work, not degrade it.
Ok, there’s definitely a lot of potential here! I think there’s just a bit that could be tweaked and it’ll look great. Regarding the colors, I would condense it down to maybe one shade of blue and red, with silver. There are some transparent dark blue and metru blue ccbs shells that you could use to closely match Nokama’s mask. Also, i think if you could figure out how to get a bohrok shield on her chest, it would make it look sleeker and less cluttered.
[quote=“Lugztina, post:11, topic:50152”]
her digitigrade stance.
[/quote] I’d say just own that! Maybe make the backwards bend a bit more noticeable and increase the upper leg length. You could also add claws or something to play up the slightly bestial nature. The way you have it now, it looks kind of like the legs are meant to look normal, but you didn’t have long enough bones. This is really more of a posing thing than anything else.
Reminds me of something I say to a lot of MOCers: If you have to explain part of a MOC in its backstory, then that part of the MOC clearly isn’t doing what it’s supposed to on its own. If the intent was to make her digitigrade from the start, make it obvious enough that no one questions it.
Hawkflight pretty well sums up my thoughts on this particular situation. [quote=“Toa_Vladin, post:15, topic:50152”]
I think “me”, although I fully believe thaf my criticism was constructive, as it is the basic form of criticism that I give on all the mocs I see. I said “this is wrong and why”, and I assure everybody: I didn’t came here to shame a moc like a troll.
[/quote]
You’re forgetting the most important part of constructive criticism. “This is wrong, this is why, and this is how you go about fixing it.” Without that last part, critiques lose their value.
Basically, spending more time saying “this is wrong” than you spend saying “here’s how I think you can fix it” isn’t constructive because you’re critiquing someone else’s creative work.
FOR EXAMPLE.
This MoC isn’t bad. The criticisms stemming from the CCBS and Technic overlap are valid, but mostly because having Technic on the Torso and then CCBS arms makes the differences between the two glaringly obvious. There are plenty of examples on the boards of MoC’s that nicely blend the two, so it’s definitely worth taking a look at some of them to see how they get around that issue. (Standalone Ball Joints are your friend)
I can see where you went for the Feminine figure, but I think the biggest thing working against it is the Inika Shoulder piece on the torso. It tapers down when it should taper out - the hips (especially on a character such as this) aren’t the narrowest part of the body.
I’d work on fleshing out the front of the torso - specifically smoothing it out. The back actually looks great, but I think the texturing on the front of the torso is definitely contributing to confusion and looks odd.
As for those people saying “This shouldn’t have taken 4 years” don’t listen to em. Not all of us have the time, patience, or skills to actually make MoC’s. What’s important is that you made it at all! I haven’t built a non-Inika mod moc since before Bionicle G1 ended. Hekk, I haven’t build a moc since before Bionicle G1 ended. Ain’t got time for that
